| Changing Self
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2007-04-12
Suraj Hua maddam.... Namaste!
great piece a few things here and there:
line 7: space missing
line 8: can't
line 13: space missing
line 15: don't
line 19: didn't
line 23: "I"
line 24: I think you mean "Why do I keep coming ..."
Some places miss question marks, you may want to review that.
I enjoy it, the recounting of the emotions, just that the ending made me feel like all the pain was just too long. Or maybe it is because the change did not take away the sadness or forlorn karma around it.
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| Do You
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2007-04-12
Reflective! I like this, although its not my usual poetry read. It's more on the Inspirational Readings. It can sit up there with Dalai Lama and Lao tzu!
Great work,
Autie
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| Tic Tac Toe
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2007-03-24
baffling interesting piece I must re-read to grasp fully, but I like,... no love the crawlers in this piece, i love insects and creeping things.
Great job!
Autie
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| Dead fish are floating
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2007-03-24
Being a fan of psycho killer thrillers I could not help but see before me one of those outback plains inhabiter that collects people's dismembered torso's and his romantic relationship with one of his victims that tried to trick him, and of course wound up dead fish...
Thus I am obliged to admit, just like the previous comment, your piece make images and stories come up in a person. In my case a gory thriller I enjoyed. *oops wonder what that says about me...*
Great piece!
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| Tearful Today
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2007-03-20
"left marooned at expectation's shore"
and there i wanted to cry...
very touching Suraj!
Greetings,
Autie
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| So.
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2007-03-18
I have a poem, which I wrote during 2005, I have not posted it yet that in essence sounds so much liek this. Its the feeling like you're holding things together, only your love counts. Its a sense that maybe just maybe you should leave and never look back.
I really enjoyed it, keep it up. Maybe a little more length and more imagery to add to the sense of pain and sadness or doubt fo teh person feeling this will make it even more effective.
Great Job!
Autie
P.s.: Check out mine :)
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| Life Without You
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2007-03-18
Deeply moving piece. Though, yummy guy, cheer up! I felt compelled to hug the writer or the person feeling this and say;
Today is all you have,
Leave tears to the eve of tomorrow,
Leave regret in yesterday, where it was born.
I love the words used, it is very good at achieving the sad despair of a utterly broken spirit and heart. Use that ability to write uplifting anecdotes.
Great Job!
P.s: Read a bit fo mine too :)
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| What Know I?
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2007-03-18
I enjoy the sort of rhetorical question, liek searching within, realyzing he either has experienced those things, or has wished to experience them. You're left completely to guess, but that's just why it's so grand.
Does he really know?
I think so...
Great work!
Autie
P.s: Check out mine and share your feedback. :)
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| Dreamy
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2007-03-18
I enjoyed it very much, it is a bit short, perhaps more of the fluttery actions can add to more of the beautiful emotions that cause the person for which you wrote,
~And all I can see is you~
to be special. It always helps when the feelings linger and float around you longer, then we can appreciate more the happy joyful rays in it.
Great job!
Auterkeia Nihil
P.s. Check out some of mine too, share your feedback.
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| Suffocation
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2007-03-18
There is a very Caribbean flavor in this poem, the use of the words hail and jamboree. Well it communicates that to me because where i live i have had the honor to feel the Caribbean isle groove.
I really enjoyed reading it, though it was more about wishes taht seem not to be fulfilled that suffocation itself.
Great Job!!
Autie
P.s. check out my poetry too :) www.poetrybay.com/anihilwrites
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| Cycle of Life
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2007-03-18
I enjoyed your poem it was very inspirational, there was more in it than just a mere beautiful picture but a hope that happiness fills our lives.
Great Job!
Auterkeia Nihil
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