This is a novel I wrote a few months ago. I would really appreciate comments, and be honest!

The motel

I looked out through the window, and I could see a sign where it said "motel".
"Look! There`s a motel!" I said. My friends turned around and looked towards the motel up in the side of the valley. "Yeah, you`re right!" Molly said excited.
"Oliver, can you drive up to the motel? It`s too late now anyway. We won`t make it home before it gets dark," Brad said to Oliver.
We had driven in Olivers car all day. We had visited Courtney, who moved away a month ago. It was starting to get dark, and we were tired. It was Molly, Brad, Oliver, Cassie and me.

Oliver started driving up the hill. We were closing in now, and we could see the motel clearly.
It was pretty big, it looked like a mixture of an old mansion or a small hospital, with about six floors and trees all around it.
The only lights we could see, was the light from the sign high up in the air above us and a small outdoor lamp outside the entrance.
"Do you really think it`s open?" Molly nearly whispered. "I`ll check," Brad replied.
He opened the car door and stepped out on the gravel, which made a calming sound underneath his feet. He walked up to the door, and spotted a doorbell with the colour of gold beside it.
He pushed the button, but couldn`t hear it on the inside.
He stood there for a few minutes, then he opened the door gently.
He started when he heard the creaking from the door when it slided open.
As it came more and more lights in, he could dimly see the figure of a man right in front of him. "Are you here to get a room?" The figure of a man asked with a deep voice.
Brad almost jumped of surprise.
"Well - yes. We ne-ed one ro-o-om for two a-and one ro-room for three, ne-next to each-oth-other." Brad tried to calm down. His heart was way up in his throat!
He almost ran back to the car, and looked back over his shoulder several times.
"It`s this really freaky guy! I was so scared!" Brad said.
Then he almost whispered "I couldn`t see him clearly, but he had this deep voice.. I told him we needed two rooms, one for us guys, and one for you girls."
I opened the car door.
While Brad was in the motel, the rest of us hadn`t said a word. We were too tired. I slammed the door behind me.
The sound of it tore up the silence and resounded it in the trees. We went up to the motel. There was no other cars on the parking lot. I went last in.
Oliver gave Cassie a key and took the other one himself. "Where did you find it?" I asked. "There," He said and pointer towards the reception desk.
I followed the others through the hallway.
The sound of our feet resounded in the hallway.
Sometimes I thought I heard scratching noises from the walls. I could feel that someone was looking at me, but when I turned around, there was no one there but the empty, dark reception at the end of the hallway where we came from.
Two lights were glowing in the dark longer into the hallway.
We finally reached the two lamps, they were outside of our two rooms.
I went in after Molly.
There was three beds along the one wall, and a big mirror on the other wall. I didn`t like the mirror at all. It`s so scary when it gets dark.
Molly had already turned the light on. It was a small bathroomdoor on the other side of the room. Molly and Cassie went into the bathroom, and I put my bag down on the bed in the middle, and tried to find my toothbrush. I froze in my move and chill went down my back.
The room suddenly went colder.
It felt like someone was standing behind me, in the door out to the hallway. I was too scared to turn around and look.
I felt something really cold on my shoulder. Suddenly I realized what it was. It was a hand!
I turned around as fast as I could, and there was nothing there! I ran to the door to the hallway and closed it.
Then I went into the bathroom where Molly and Cassie were, `cause I felt safer there. "Is something wrong?" They asked. "No, it`s nothing," I replied. We brushed our teeth and went to bed.

I woke up and it was still dark.
I suddenly got aware of a shuffling sound over the floor at the foot end of my bed. I reached out a hand to Cassies bed.
"Cassie," I whispered. I rocked her arm and she asked "What?" "Can you hear it?" I asked. She was quiet and listened to the shuffling sound that was closing in on the bathroom. She turned the lights on, and Molly woke up.
"What is it now? It`s not even dawn yet!" She sat up in her bed. "The room is getting colder!" I said. There was no one there who could have made the sound we heard. And it was getting colder. Molly sat up.
Suddenly she felt a hand on the back of her neck. Cassie and I saw her freeze, sitting there like a rock with her eyes wide open. She turned around and looked at us,
and asked quietly "Who is - "
She saw us still lying in our beds. Then she felt the cold hand on her neck again. Now it slided around her neck and tightened the grip.
"There`s a hand around my neck!" She hissed. She tried to take the hand away with her hands, but her hands could only grab air. "I can`t breathe!" She hissed again. Cassie and I took our bags on our shoulders and went over to Molly. "We`re leaving now, come on!" Cassie screamed. We pulled Molly out of the bed.
She could breathe again. She took her bag and we almost ran out of the room, panicking, to the boys` room.
We hammered away at the door. Oliver opened and asked what was wrong. We told him what had just happened and we woke Brad up. They took their bags and we ran out.
When we got to the door were we went in a few hours earlier, it was closed! We pulled the door several times in panic, but we knew we had to try to find a different way out. We ran across the reception into another hallway.
My heart pounded so fast I thought it would explode. It sounded like someone was following us. I wanted to look back, but there was no time to do that. We finally found another door. Brad pulled it and.. yes, it was open! I was so reliefed.
We ran out and down to the car. Oliver groped with the keys before he managed to open the door. We got in and drove away. "This was the scariest thing I`ve ever experienced in my entire life!" Molly said.

Short story by Julie
Read 509 times
Written on 2006-03-04 at 00:03

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that`s excactly what I was trying to make you all feel;)

to the rest of you guys who read this; Please write a comment:D

liz munro The PoetBay support member heart!
I LOVE this -
Given me chills donw my back - but
it could just be the airconditioning.