Dad, all I want is some PizzaDad. You know I'm working hard. I give it my best and I really try. But you don't see it. I spend my days working, studying, sipping information from the books like a thirsty dog. My night light plays huge shadows of people sleeping comfortably in their warm beds while I'm stone faced over letters like a modern Hunchback.
The days when you come singing and take a peek in my room, only to find me sprawled on my bed sleeping while my books lie ignored on my table. And that deep line between your eyebrows grows more furrowed. Maybe you think I had been sleeping all night and I'm going to sleep all day. Or does your brain even send signals to your limbic system to invoke love and emotions for your daughter? Who learns new things in the dead of night. Who, at 3am fell asleep on top of Greys Anatomy when finally at 6am at the chinese hen's call, directed herself to her bed? You didn't see that. You only saw me drooling on my pillow. And yes, I know actions speak louder than words but this! This is ridiculous! I cannot keep studying every second in the 24 hours Allah has blessed us with!
But you do think that. Your words, precisely what they were,"A medicals student's life is tough." Let me define tough here. Tough is when even after pumping iron all night, you are unable to lift the weights the next day. Tough is when you fall asleep only to wake up and forget your dream. Tough is when you count the stars at night and find they are an odd number. Tough is creating situations you have no control over. And I have no ambition of making my life tougher by lifting it up and throwing it outside the window. And when life is passing by along side me with lollipops in both hands, why would I shoo it away? You see, thats the difference between you and me. Although I'm not glad of it because every time someone tells me,"You look so much like your Dad," I glow. But maybe, the 20 years that my brain has lived inside my skull cannot compete with your racing brilliance.
It's alright. I know you're not angry with me. Just loosely disgruntled at my pathetic grades. I cannot assure you of the situation to get any better. But still one day you'll find me at my desk with a vacant expression that says 'Learnt Enough. Total System ShutDown.' And then maybe, just maybe you'll be pleased that you have finally laid rest on the sight of your daughter studying.
Poetry by Nabeela Altaf
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Written on 2014-05-09 at 16:03
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