wonderbread

2007-01-22
certainly a great piece of writing, of music...though, i do believe music is poetry, poetry is not always music...do you understand what i mean?

2007-01-17
i would disagree with 'vintage', surely generic was correctly offered, accepted. hmm...while the last line was preferred, does it correctly fit, hero? i quite enjoyed the lines of this piece, certainly well written. except, for the ending...the weak point of poetry, wouldnt you agree? always the end...loose, left untied, unreasoned, un...finished? hmm...i suppose the subject isnt necessarily one needing closure...perhaps it is left 'generic' and ill-precious purposefully...tis your style hero, i must say...

2007-01-16
hmm...so general! hardly poetry, sir, sorry for having to say so.

2007-01-16
doesn't = does not.
don't = do not.

so. obviously its doesnt, but, still, its not so much the grammar in a piece, the spelling and fitting of words, its the message and tone with which it is delivered, and the confidence in your feeling you are presenting. i think you have a bit of both, you surely do. well done.
-tony

2007-01-16
simply beautiful. my my, what an image of love you create with a story as such! your choice of words are nearly perfect, your voice mentioning them, however, surely perfect. well done, i am anticipating reading more of your poetry...
-tony

2007-01-14
an exquisite way of relating a feeling, a thought in mind. a bit wordy, perhaps? but no matter...the message surely makes up for any sort of choice differences fellow writers might have...well done.
-tony

2007-01-12
a statement, to be sure. i appreciate the maturity and feeling of your words, and the way you have made them. well done.
tony

2007-01-12
such a tragedy! that is, both your choice of words, and the plot which befriends them...such an explination you seemed to be chasing, which nevertheless escaped your reader's thoughts, and perhaps even your pen in hand, in the end. my friend, i am sorry, but this is hardly the sort of complicated premise you make it out to be. you ended the piece quite simply, too...not to be overlooked, after the first four stanzas...not that your feeling or conscious should be described any differently, perhaps the mood should simply be better presented...
take care.
tony

2006-12-17
the most sincere sort of message, surely, is beheld in these few words...its a shame it takes some people a lifetime to realize what you quaintly refer to with your poetry...well done.
-tony

2006-12-14
i dont agree with your choice of language, toward the end of the piece. it destroys the delicacy of it all, it really does. it simply stands out too much, surely you notice this as well. but i did like the complexity of the rest of your poem, it worked with itself, it worked together, and it worked well. but, you cannot get away with throwing it out there, like you did...oh well, right?

2006-12-12
my my...your world seems depressing and beautiful. such a storm you are weathering...for poetry's sake, i do hope you continue to persevere...well done.
-tony

2006-12-12
i believe you meant, fight a lost "cause"...and, in the end of your poem, you used the word "twinkleing"...its actually spelt, "twinkling". i think for such a simple piece (by simple, i mean short) the title is a bit complicated. life, im afraid, is more complicated than simple, im sure we can agree on that. and, as such, figured the piece might be a bit more, well, deep. please take this in the best sort of sense. everything written contains some sort of hidden meaning, at least, poetry surely does...

2006-12-12
this is surely the explination of a beautiful moment...i thought you did it very calmly, quite real, though...you can imagine the smile on your face, and the dismay on his...but, surely, he eventually gives in to the moment...well done.

2006-12-12
you make a good point...to vote has become such a disappointing task...there seems to be such layers, covering each man or woman's true goal, true purpose. i only hope that in the end, the one elected, simply use their best judgement for the good of the american people, and their interests. god bless america.