| Eucharist on Blue Line
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2007-01-01
Thanks, Aliena. Nice to hear that the poem made an impact on an atheist. I hope you move closer to faith in the coming year. Blessings! --Mark
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| Proper Hatreds, Lesser Loves
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2007-01-01
Actually, the poem began abcb originally and I ended up shortening it by eliminating a bunch of quatrains and folding them into others, coming up with the additional lines. I'm certain it's been done before, but can't point you as to where. Thanks for the comment, and blessings for your 2007! --Mark
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| He Sees Her
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2007-01-01
Thanks, Rob... "Pardon's coin" refers more to the forgiveness Christ's death provides for those who believe, but your take on the wording is very perceptive. Happy New Year. Blessings.
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| Sunset Impalement
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2006-12-31
This is a good beginning to a great poem.
I think it could be improved with better punctuation and some paring down of word choices.
Also make sure to fix the misspelling of impalement in the title.
To say that a "god" with a small G couldn't help the boy is to be redundant. Only one with a capital G could do that, right?
Sorry, but god with a small G could mean anyone or anything. Just my thoughts.
The second part of the poem, from "The plains slowly show their remorse" to the end, is my favorite part. In fact, it could well stand on its own without the first half.
Blessings,
Mark
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| To All: Beware! There be monsters here
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2006-12-29
Good, dark, gnarly fun here, Chelle.
The final stanza needs a bit of work, IMO. "These warnings do send" really is reaching for that rhyme and seems forced. The other stanzas have an effective, childlike quality. But the last one comes across kinda tacked on. Nice read, though, enjoyed.
Blessings,
Mark
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| Taken Away
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2006-12-29
I am touched by this, Chelle. Thanks for sharing it. I think that a reference to time in the third stanza would help to tie the whole together, as time is mentioned in the first two stanzas. It would be easy to do. Also, in the first stanza, it seems that mentioning both the Reaper and the fates is to multiply metaphors...choose one or the other and stick with it, would be my advice.
Extremely touching. Enjoyed the read.
Blessings.
Mark
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from USA 