sitting at the kitchen table   looking out the window

seeing the wide world

with its grief and expectations   looking inside my little world

with all that that assumes   it overwhelms me

marketa   in her jammies   sleepy

comes from the bedroom rubbing her eyes like a child

she is everything to me   my world   but the world

says otherwise   she comes to me  

i put my arms around her waist   pulling her to me

she smells like morning   for a moment my world is this  

very small   very warm   embraceable

is the world so big after all   is everything beyond reach

i look outside again   big   everything is big

and complicated   marketa watches me

~

watch the world   look   she says   across the street

a sparrow

is building a nest in the V of the CVS sign   it must be spring

in this light the world doesn't seem big or complicated

not at all   it looks like bits   like building blocks   like legos  

component parts   doable   embraceable

break it down   i think   the leaden sense of grief

we've been carrying   of hurt and loss  

is what   break it down   lost hope   fear   what ifs   what if

a green card becomes meaningless

what if there is a midnight knock on the door  

what if   break it down   i love her   she is so easy to love  

here   now   in the morning light   sweet scent   soft and warm

not quite awake   within my embrace   not yet 

~

girded for the day   her fearlessness yet to unfold

now a little vulnerable   susceptible

to the softness of my own hands   break it down   by the window

she stands beside me   my arm around her waist

my head against her tummy

break it down   sweet scent   warm body  

this bit is safe and loving   that bit is hard and dangerous  

the bit that is outside   an immense power

we have a different kind of power  

we may love and resist   everything is small   tiny differences  

words   matter   i can't put it together

there is here and now   there is her soft warmth   there is what if

oh, she is sweet   she is warm   she is soft   she is   here

it is fragile   this