I wrote this for my brother who recently had a kidney transplant and is going through a lot of trouble with it, even three months after the surgery.


If You Stop Breathing

The way I feel is so far past sorrow
Desperation, and anger.
This is total DEVASTATION.
Nothing seems to be working.
Nothing can go right.
If you stop breathing,
THEN I WILL TOO,
And nothing will ever be okay
If you're not HERE with me.

If I see you give up hope,
Then surely, I will too.
It seems impossible for his facade to continue.
How can I keep a smile on my face
As I watch you being TAKEN AWAY from me?
If you leave me
Any pretense of hope will evaporate
Along with my will to live.

This battle seems so inconclusive...
Where are we to go from here?
How can such a vibrant soul
Reside in such a deteriorating body?
When will this change?
When will this END?
I have no interest in anything anymore
And joy seems to be a far too distant d r e a m..
Another figment of my imagination,
Taunting me,
Showing me what can NEVER be.
You will never be okay,
And that thought scares me to death.
If you stop breathing,
THEN I WILL TOO,
And nothing will ever be okay
If you're not HERE with me.



Poetry by Amanda Manmohan
Read 948 times
Written on 2006-05-19 at 04:41

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Kathy Lockhart
Amanda, life and those we love are gifts. I can feel your devastation. I understand it and all the questions, and all the anger, and all the longing for healing. Your writing this is a part of your healing and it may help others who are hurting to start healing as well. My prayers are with you and your brother. May God's healing touch be upon you both. :) Kathy
2006-05-21


fungi
very good. I'm getting goose bumps here - I know exactly how you feel and I do hope things work out. the world is so unfair sometimes.
2006-05-21