there's a certain sophistication in communication

that i like to observe but never engage in

i'm a shoulder shrugger and thoughtful nodder

a good listener but never the problem solver

and i've noticed that on a day when i use my voice

it almost always goes hoarse

my vocal cords are deteriorating 

and with every crack i hear myself fading

i can never order my own food when i'm out

i stick to the same items at each place

choice is nerve wrecking and so is speaking aloud

i don't want to waste time, stutter, or hear my voice break

took me years to get the nerve to check out at stores

i count my money five times before i even get in line

polite conversation they make terrifies me to my core

and none of my family or friends understand why

i'm a mime that likes dialogue

with a tongue that keeps being bitten

i punish myself in that way; in fear of being wrong

my thoughts only have me as a witness

never the hand raiser but a forward thinker

never the slam poet or the ice breaker

just a mime that likes to study minds and tinker

but abandons mine like i'm a paper shredder 

always gathering data and taking notes

learning social cues and doesn't dare to interrupt

i'm a gentle nudge, i'm an angry whisper

a book with the pages ripped out and my mouth full of blisters