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June 30, 2022.

sobering morning

Maybe it's reality that has caught up to me
I knew it was close behind
I was hoping the medication would unburden me
- or my therapist's advice

For a minute, I thought I was making great strides
Less laying comatose and finding my passion and drive
but depression was just watching me through broken window blinds
Truth is, you can poke holes in a jar, but you're still trapped inside

All at once, insomnia stepped on my throat
All night, I tossed and turned - so anxious my face would go white
Felt as though I've been sweating and bleeding out
Past ghosts or memories from the past that seem more alive than myself

I missed my therapist's call twice,
and in her emails I could tell she was anxious
I told myself it wasn't over me, but her missing paycheck
but in this sobering morning, I think it could have been genuine

I feel at times,
I'm dangling one foot off the edge of sanity
and just looking around to see if anyone cares
It's hard to feel love from this family - unless you're in tears

Poetry by aidan haskel