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December 21, 2022.

long black train

Many times I found myself walking down the railroad tracks
Hearing the engines of tired trains burdened with mined coal on their backs
Despite my feet feeling heavy as if anchored down to the earth below me,
My mind was distant; numb from feeling far too much for too long

The longer I walked, I was sure I’d meet the train eventually
But I’d somehow end up safely back at home with my beating heart -
Imitating that chugging along sound at a time that I wanted to fade away
The air in my lungs felt more like concrete, and I could still hear my boots kicking gravel

I felt as if I had waved my worn train ticket to death’s face
Demanded a front row seat - and he told me I was too early
To turn back around, that I hadn’t even packed a bag
For years, I came back around and told him I’d thought about it - I’m ready

But I was a tortured child chasing my grief down empty creek beds,
Train tracks, dirt roads, tall grass with snakes I couldn’t see and barbed wire like burrs
That had cut my feet open and poisoned my body and mind
To the point I forgot what it was like to walk forward without pain and spite

Poetry by aidan haskel