looking at the clock

i hate the grace in me it
turns and twists without
a thought for a feeling please
stop
retract your face
you make me die when
i see the time
a little part of me is chewed
and stuck in that moment
spit to speak



Poetry by Heather May
Read 457 times
Written on 2005-09-29 at 23:48

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chasingtheday The PoetBay support member heart!
that first line, ending in it, might be better starting the next line with it as the flow of the line pauses with me.

looking at the flow you have used, i would suggest reworking the lines as the pauses when reading disrupts it.
2005-09-29