for you............


A KISS

As our lips touch
Each other,
In this divine
Unison of a kiss;
I feel your soft lips
Now shunning all inhibitions
Giving into the urge...
To allow me
To drink the elixir of love
From the glass of your lips.
As my tongue now probes in you,
Yours come to meet mine
And they entwine,
As we now hungrily
Yield to each other,
And conquer each other.




Poetry by Rai
Read 1329 times
Written on 2007-11-12 at 12:17

Tags Romance  Love  Passion 

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Wangdi Gyalpo
Overall: Nice work. I liked the spontaneous flow of the emotion that you depicted in your writing. Very gentle and subtle. Like the metaphor in your work.

Suggestions for your kind consideration:

Shouldn't in this sentence of yours instead of in it should be into ( action is taking place) , " As my tongue now probes in you'.

Do we really conquer our loved ones? Your last line. I'm bit in confusion. Isn't it that in love, we mingle with each other rather than surrendering or conquering. As when it comes to surrender and conquer, isn't it that one party will jubiliant, whereas other party will be melancholic.

You decide with your work. After all, you are the poet.

Good Day. Let your fingers discover many wornderful poems in the keyboard of your computer.
2009-05-15