I have crack Mr trouble so I do
And customer service said speak to you
Well I am sure you are sincere
And I do not mean to sneer
But stop the kids Jumping will not do

I am glad to hear your promise
And please yes call me Doris
But the crack was there
At first I thought you knew 
I spoke to an advisor 
But now i am no wiser
So please supply a new one 
Wont you do

I know its just a bath
And Im trying to quell my wrath
but my husbands dignity
Is down to you
Whilst lying in the nude
And Im certainly no prude
A disconcerting tremor came over him

He was soaking in his glory
But thats another story
With a bath full of suds up to his chin
When the tiny crack got bigger
And please it's wrong to snigger
In adversity I hope your brave as him

Upon the very stroke
That the cracked bath just broke  
I was showing of my bathroom
Unknown to him
Now my neighbour came quite flushed
And down the stairs she rushed
She had seen the promised land
Gawd love the likes of him

She'd seen one or too before
But none to fill the score 
Of the monumental state
My man was in
He was majestic to a fault
And please let me halt
The licentious ribaldry that your in
Mr trouble shooter get onto you computor
And order a replacement or  I sin

My  man is good in water
And you should know you oughter
Keep him covered up to his chin
A cracked bath wont help it
And it might sound quite selfish
But I'd rather that  my neighbour
Saw her last of him