I try to stop smoking today so this is inspired of that and some hard rock music enjoy


The whisper of man (One cool devil)



Maniac hunter lived a strange life

Hunting the buried souls of the undead

Keep that key to your heart closed in a black box of avenger

Street race and beams that gone blind you

Runaway train carry the last heart



One beat

One cool devil

A little sweet angel appears in demon shells

Walking shoot-gun pop pop the maniac down



One shot

Two heads up

Firefly rains in to the red night

Blood stains my glasses of ice

Firefly can you

Falling away

Take that maniac and eat some dust

To a different land

United to black cream

Take that scream

Dance on my heart and let my be

One shot

Follow me

Cry for you

A breath to you

The whisper of man

A dead secret to follow

Haven't you heard

The hunter is outside

DON`T LOOK OUT










Poetry by Mr painter
Read 599 times
Written on 2008-11-13 at 10:07

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MissAudreyKaye
I'm not really sure about your line "Keep that key to your heart closed in a black box of avenger".

"...black box of avenger" seems awkward and doesn't seem to follow to the next line.

I feel like I wasn't really sure what was going on. The references to "glasses of ice" and "black cream" were kind of confusing to me.

I really liked the tone, and the simple lines were able to invoke powerful imagery, especially:

"Street race and beams that gone blind you
Runaway train carry the last heart

One beat
One cool devil"

The gradual shortening of the lines gives it a dramatic effect and adds to the poem's urgency.

I think the tone and the images it invoked were my favorite parts.

Language: 3
Format: 3
Mood: 5
Overall: 4
2008-11-13