This was 'Death Bed' , but I get fussy and didn't like it plus, not happy with poem, so it is revised and still needs editing...but I'm  tired..so later.


Last Breath

Holding her last breath,

adrenalized antiquity

tasted tearfully bitter

as it bloated inside

her burgeoned belly.

Serpentine smoke

of stale spirits

spiraled around her body

waiting for the death bite,

the consumated words resisted

as the unspoken ones awoke.

while dark clouds attempted

to grip her light tight

staring down the demonic faces

she saw the evil that once existed,

fade until nothing of it was left.

with faith she still clung to her prayers,

as her light let go of her last breath .





Poetry by melanie sue
Read 803 times
star mini Editors' choice
Written on 2009-06-16 at 16:42

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Emelén The PoetBay support member heart!
I really liked this. Its form made it flow, made the reader take small breaks to breathe and absorb. Which is needed, because the imagery is so strong in its complex simplicity.
And since gloom is my middle name how can I not but love this.
Bravo.
2009-06-24


Kathy Lockhart
congrats on Editor's Choice, Melanie. This certainly deserves that at least. The images you evoked with your emotionally charged words brings me to places of remembrance when I sat by death bed's of my loved ones. Very moving text.
2009-06-19


liz munro The PoetBay support member heart!
Deep and
wonderfully written.

Congrats on
Ed's choice.

~L.~
2009-06-17


Editorial Team The PoetBay support member heart!
This text has been chosen to be featured on the front page of PoetBay. Thank you for posting it on our poetry website.
2009-06-16


Esti D-G
I especially liked "adrenalized antiquity"
2009-06-16


Esti D-G
Superb poem of her death. bookmarked! luvestix
2009-06-16