we were never close
he was the oldest of the in-laws
married my sister while she was still a teenager
took her away
around the time I was born
so I never knew her like a sister
I just knew her
as his wife

he took the brunt of much teasing
and he took it well
the kids on the street had their names for him
and I can still see him
waving his arms
crease on the brow
kids on the street
scampering

I loved my sister and still do
although I didn't love myself
for not loving him
they were days when love was misunderstood
it wasn't until he became sick
that I started to feel anything
he'd lost his life essence
I thought that would please me
but it didn't

he told me a story once
how he held me when I was child
how he didn't take a plane
it crashed
all lives were lost
it wasn't his time yet
he reminded me of the Friday night speed-cars
I remembered sitting on his shoulders

my father rang me yesterday
told me that my brother in law had passed away
I rang my sister three times
she answered on the last
she told me it was horrible to see him go
he couldn't breathe those last few days
injections to avoid the pain
he left us yesterday
I loved him
she loved him
we are happy he is at peace