when i lost you i 

lost myself

and i fell into 

a whirlwind of 

emotions 

like a rolercoaster

off its tracks.

you were so much of

who i was that 

i forgot how to 

function without you,

no one said this life

was easy,

and here i am still 

trying to reach the finish

line but i had to 

leave you 

behind,

you cant run a race

when you've ended your

life, 

its like running out of time

im sorry we had to part

and now im grown 

up and i cry at night

because you cant share in 

my happiness,

brother i hope you

found what you 

were searching 

for because

thinking

about 

you

tends to take me back

to that start

every time,

i miss you so bad somedays

my stomach hurts so much

it makes me 

blind.

but i cant let your memory

run my life, i have

to much to live for,

my husband, my little girl

the niece you'd be 

so proud of

i tell

her abou you 

all the time and 

she doesnt understand

that your not here 

because you chose it

she thinks it was an accident

that uncle mikey 

didnt want to leave

but he just had to, i dont 

know what else to tell her

with a heart of gold

suicide would 

taint it,

and make it too old for 

her age,

i miss you

but this is me letting

go.