I love shape poetry. This one's brand-new. I don't know if it's any good or not (all criticisms, suggestions and unrelated comments gladly accepted). :)


Bodily

achingly;
parched and
blistered like
a throat
tensed and clenching
like a tendon, poised
greedy selfish need
which will accept no
boundary to its thirst
a human soul reaches
aspires to life and fails
purpose unfulfilled
unsteady legs do not
perform under such
tension
rather
quiver,
holding
sorrow
feebly






Poetry by StillHoppin The PoetBay support member heart!
Read 1274 times
Written on 2013-04-29 at 04:38

Tags Shape  Thirst  Depression 

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F.i.in.e Moods The PoetBay support member heart!
I haven't the slightest clue how you manage to pull these off! Amazing is all I can say at this point :) Makes me want to try to write in a shape like that, but I'm not all too convinced I'd manage lol :)
2013-05-31


Rob Graber
It's cool how the final lines compose a narrow base indeed. At least the legs are straight (for now), giving reason for hope? Clever!
2013-04-30



A very well crafted write :-)
The comparison of body and soul is striking and a little disturbing.
Applause!
2013-04-29


shells
Wow! Lovely in both form and words, I love the fact that "a throat" is in the right place!
2013-04-29



Just the shape alone deserves an applause--it's almost perfectly sculpted from words. Nice words too :).

William
2013-04-29



I try, and fail, to think what c.i. might say about this poem. I say it is an upright poem about a TEMPORARILY downtrodden soul. The throat may yet unclench. Perhaps some Rocky Road ice cream will help.
2013-04-29


Chaucer Whethers
Highly talented word choice and placement.
(Does it just have one leg, or am I looking at
this in profile? Oh that's Ok..I see now.)
2013-04-29



*Standing Ovation* LOVE IT. The shape of a person with all the words in the right places... {Why didn't I think of this?} :)
2013-04-29