I never quite finished this. It wants another verse. I thought by posting it, it might inspire me. Or, maybe it is finished. 




Blue Eyes

 

for LFD

 

 

Oh aye, the roiling waves 

with their come and go like friends, 

keep company when it suits, 

and when it doesn’t, oh aye, alone. 

 

I say, Blue Eyes, come walk with me, 

come leave prints with me in dusky sand 

to be washed away by hiss, 

and, oh aye you say, oh aye I will. 

 

Oh aye, the spirit of the beach is grand, 

‘tis grand indeed, ‘tis the third 

of the trinity, the noisy one, the wind, 

the gull, the surf, the chaperone. 

 

The cold beach, the winter beach, 

the rainy beach, oh aye, the dreary beach, 

and why, Blue Eyes, would you walk with me? 

Oh aye, the beach is fair on dreary days.





Poetry by jim The PoetBay support member heart!
Read 155 times
Written on 2015-02-17 at 12:12

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Lawrence Beck The PoetBay support member heart!
I think that you're right. The poem needs a final verse. You've got them moving, and we're watching, but they haven't yet gone anywhere. It would be extremely presumptuous of me to suggest a final verse, and I don't have any ideas, anyway.
2015-02-19



How cool to see this again! Maybe its just one of the Unfinished symphonies!
2015-02-17



It is beautiful, it has the accent as far as I can tell, the images are real and the feeling of the wind and surf made me feel it across to the Pacific Ocean. Truly a lovely write.
~Ashe
2015-02-17



It has a 'finished' sound to it; maybe it doesn't need anything else. It seems to have more 'Germanic-sounding' words than Latin-based words, which give it a nice, crisp rhythm and a sort of a satisfying bumpety-bump. But more important, it's lovely and atmospheric. I can picture the waves and sand. Excellent.
2015-02-17