*

i do lose my way sometimes

not unaturally

not predictably. han shan 

must have paused

and felt the disorientation

of seeing

the familiar suddenly appear unfamiliar

directionless

now the sun is bright, the clouds gone

my bearings regained

there are things i want to do

but first, i must listen

there are stories to be heard

and i'm happy, always happy, to listen

                        *

i've written so many bad words lately

crude words to go with crude thoughts

reflections of the downhill side of being me

all the cliches are true, a weight

has been lifted, i am buoyant, or nearly so

near enough for now. i know 

the why of it, the ups and downs

and knowing, i should be able to control it

but should is a dreadful, impossible word

if all the shoulds should be, then 

there would be nothing but sunshine and love

we would all be perched on mountain tops

beaming in the afterglow

of the realization of all good things.

                           *

terri has put up with me

she's patient, she leaves me alone

when i need to be alone

holds me when i need that, and the rest

i will wear her out, someday

not today, she knows i'm back, the good me

it's ironic, or unfortunate, that when i need her the most

i withdraw, succumb to the hurt, seemingly powerless

that's the way it is, let the healing begin

the first step on the road to recovery

is a trip to the market, ingredients must be purchased

then, preheat the oven to three-fifty, mix and stir

this is a shortcut to making things right

but it's a good shortcut, and sweet