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Purple Puddles

30 years old from India




Inspired by a Kaleo song by the same name.



Save Yourself

Written 2018-09-07

A song will remind you of that point in time. And you'll remember how you were waiting for the lift and someone pushed ahead. And it made you think of how some people feel entitled to the world and you squeeze between the cracks they leave behind. And it makes you feel frustrated and elated at the same time. Frustrated cos you really need to learn how to be more pushy and elated cos all of this sounds so poetic in your head and you can't wait to get home and note it all down before it disappears from your head.



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Sigh



Just a Dream

Written 2018-01-31

Leave me alone while I stalk the living daylights out of him.

I'd rather be a hopeless romantic than a lonely cynic.

His favourite whiskey lies unopened on the topshelf just in case he decides to dropby. And no you're not allowed to touch it.

One night I'll be shaken out of slumber by the whir of his bike pulling up on my street.

My dog will know before I do that it's no longer just a dream.

 



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Unearthing a few oldies

I didn't go for the Coldplay concert FYI



Stuck in Traffic

Written 2017-11-06

Stuck in traffic on the way to work is a great time to write. This is one of the reasons I won't get a bike.

Went for a wedding reception and caught myself grinning all the way home. Everyone's getting married or asking when you are. I'm not. How about that?

Hounddog. I like the way this comes up in the hound of Baskerville. I should watch the last episode of that.

Coldplay's new song is in the Life of Pi. I'm not surprised. Just sad. I don't know what draws the line between underground and sell out but it's definitely not them! I'll go for the concert if they do come to India. For old times sake, I have to!



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Limbo



plateau

Written 2017-11-06

I'm on a plateau. I can choose to fall off the edge or soar above it. I don't know what's worse. Moving on or staying still. Sometimes I'm just sitting here waiting.Not sure what's next, what to expect.Yes, I want that too. I want to be married and pregnant by the time I'm thirty. But that's not going to happen. So I'll sit here and pretend I don't feel this sadness. I'm living the life. I have everything I've ever wanted. I'm not struggling with anything. I'm not alone or poor or over-worked. I texted him saying 'Let's run away together' and I expected doubts. But I was given a choice and now I don't know what to do with it. I'll just sit here on my plateau, dangling my feet over the edge, waiting.



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Boy toy

Written 2017-11-02

You know when you first download a game and you're obsessed with it; You start to fill up all your high scores and try beating your previous score at each level. That's what sex is like in the beginning. Everything's new and exciting. You're always experimenting to see what'll work better, give you a higher high.



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Father's Day

Written 2017-11-02

It's not that I wish I had a dad or that he was around for more of my childhood.
It's not that I wish I didn't have to see everyone selfies with their fathers and the mushy brand videos
It's just that it reminds me how I'm different and I could never relate to what most people 
 
I'm trying to make it sound poetic. But it doesn't.  I'm sad. I'm sad that I'm almost 30 and not married yet. I'm sad that my mom won't even talk about the existence of my boyfriend. I'm sad that I'm not 100% happy in my relationship and I have no power to change it. I'm angry that he made out with someone else and I'm still with him.


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Falling Again

Written 2017-11-02

If you don't say it out loud it's not true right?
I didn't think I could feel like this again. I didn't think my heart would take the trouble to fall again, to flirt again. Yet here I am unable to get him off my mind.
 
I really, really want to ping him but I know he doesn't reply in business hours so I'm resisting. I don't get why I play these games with myself. It's silly right? I have one shot left. And I want to waste it on a link of urban dictionary meanings of Indian surnames.
 
I want to spend the whole weekend fucking him. I also wonder if the reality won't live up to the fantasy. That would be sad. I wasn't scared of this with R cos I had had a taste and I was confident. Here I feel either I'm going to be a let down or it will be like a bubble bursting.
 
Sitting here listening to way too much of John Mayer is not helping. I wish he'd ask me out or even just initiated the next conversation but he seems to have gone to sleep on me and I miss him so. Fuck! I haven't even met him.


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sex

Written 2017-09-27

He made me feel a little bit like a booty call by letting me let myself out. He was wearing close to nothing though and he was distracted by trying to find my clip.

 

But man, the way he kisses. Eyes closed, lips tight, not much tongue. He sucked on mine though and then on my breasts. And an expert with the bra. Snapped it off through the shirt.

 

I wish I could say it's all about the sex.

It would be easier then.
But it's not.
Or maybe with me it can never be
Cos sex means so much more to me.

 

It can't be wrong when it feels so right, right?


One night stands were never my thing. Maybe I'm more of a friends with benefits sort of a person. I like falling for someone though. Those initial butterflies are always so exciting.
I feel that way when I think about him. I miss him and his shoulders. I want more with him. Of course I do. But I'm not ready and I don't know if he wants it too.

 



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This mind is made for thinking

Written 2017-09-11

I marvel at how my mind can take something simple and complicate it, adding what-ifs and but-whys where they don't belong. The mind is used to thinking and what use would it be if it stopped. And yet we all wish for a pause button once in a while, at least once every sleepless night.



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Only the first two lines are real but it made me think!

20.08.12



Stuffed Crust Pizza

Written 2013-03-02

You: Finally I found someone who likes stuffed crust pizza! Mom doesn't like it and dad doesn't like it. Even my brother doesn't like stuffed crust.
Me: Yay! you found your soulmate!
You: You're not my soulmate cos you love stuffed crust! you're my soulmate cos even if I hated it, you'd love me!



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Diary

2018

September (1)
January (1)

2017

November (5)
September (2)

2013

March (1)

2011

August (4)
July (1)