Purple Puddles

Stuck in traffic on the way to work is a great time to write. This is one of the reasons I won't get a bike.

Went for a wedding reception and caught myself grinning all the way home. Everyone's getting married or asking when you are. I'm not. How about that?

Hounddog. I like the way this comes up in the hound of Baskerville. I should watch the last episode of that.

Coldplay's new song is in the Life of Pi. I'm not surprised. Just sad. I don't know what draws the line between underground and sell out but it's definitely not them! I'll go for the concert if they do come to India. For old times sake, I have to!

I'm on a plateau. I can choose to fall off the edge or soar above it. I don't know what's worse. Moving on or staying still. Sometimes I'm just sitting here waiting.Not sure what's next, what to expect.Yes, I want that too. I want to be married and pregnant by the time I'm thirty. But that's not going to happen. So I'll sit here and pretend I don't feel this sadness. I'm living the life. I have everything I've ever wanted. I'm not struggling with anything. I'm not alone or poor or over-worked. I texted him saying 'Let's run away together' and I expected doubts. But I was given a choice and now I don't know what to do with it. I'll just sit here on my plateau, dangling my feet over the edge, waiting.

You know when you first download a game and you're obsessed with it; You start to fill up all your high scores and try beating your previous score at each level. That's what sex is like in the beginning. Everything's new and exciting. You're always experimenting to see what'll work better, give you a higher high.

It's not that I wish I had a dad or that he was around for more of my childhood.It's not that I wish I didn't have to see everyone selfies with their fathers and the mushy brand  just tvideos. It's that it reminds me how I'm different and I could never relate to what most people. I'm trying to make it sound poetic. But it doesn't.  I'm sad. I'm sad that I'm almost 30 and not married yet. I'm sad that my mom won't even talk about the existence of my boyfriend. I'm sad that I'm not 100% happy in my relationship and I have no power to change it. I'm angry that he made out with someone else and I'm still with him.