IB M

- HR finally after 27 days of process accepted my request for an accommodation in relation to my mobility issues... but they will reevaluate in 6 months...

Am I wrong to feel a bit peeved?

I'm required to provide another

Medical note in six months to

Verify that the accommodation

Will still be reasonable by then.

It's humiliating to be put through, no?

There is absolutely no prospects of any

Improvement with this condition, but

In order for me to keep the accommodation,

I'll be forced to do the activity that led

To the request being made in the first place,

To satisfy some administrative procedure,

Not any logical reason that justifies making

Me have to endure pain to obtain a note

Which will basically provide the same

Information as was provided in the first one.

It all feels like a useless request, and in my

Reality of what it means to go places, it's

Not making much sense that I can digest.

I only go places if it's absolutely necessary...

What's this nonsense about really? 'cause

You're making me go somewhere for nothing,

Knowing how painful it is for me to go places.

I say for nothing 'cause it'll be the same info...

So why am I required to go and obtain it again?

For what purpose exactly?  Do you not see how

Purposeless all of this, your request, feels to me?

Maybe if your life was obligated to be organized

By the number of travels you can physically endure,

You might better understand my perspective on this.

So, am I wrong to feel a bit peeved?

Having to jump through hoops really

Sours my mood, I can't help it anymore.

I'm a huge fan of sense, it's something

That I really need for my well-being.

And right now, that's not what you're offering me.

Listen, you evidently

Can't handle this now,

And it's making you

Feel totally miserable,

So it may be time for

You to step away... ?

You know you need

To consider this now,

'Cause it no longer

Answers your needs,

And it only manages

To crush you to bits...

The comfort and support

It once was for you is no

Longer, that epoch's gone,

And the more time goes,

The more it's revealed that

This doesn't suit anymore...

You should listen, really.

- with rough translation... very fond moments spent in my little field of broccoli as a child...

Quand j'étais enfant,

J'ai fait une découverte

Tout à fait émerveillante :

J'ai trouvé un petit champ

De broccoli non loin des bois qui

Longeaient la cour de ma maison.

When I was a child,

I made a discovery

That was so amazing :

I found a little field

Of broccoli not far from the woods that

Stretched along the backyard of my house.

Des rangées et des rangées

De broccoli devant moi,

Et je m'assoyais entres elles,

Le soleil me tapant sur la tête,

Et j'étais si paisible, émerveillée,

Totalement remplie de joie.

Rows and rows

Of broccoli before me,

And I'd sit between them,

The sun heating my head,

And I was so at peace, amazed,

Totally filled with joy.

Assise-là, je m'adonnais à grignoter

Sur ces belles et incroyables découvertes,

Complètement contente de cette chance...

Dans mon insouciance d'enfant,

Je n'avais jamais pensé que ce broccoli

Pouvait être la propriété de quelqu'un.

While sitting there, I indulged in snacking

On these beautiful and incredible discoveries,

Absolutely happy for this chance...

In my child's unawareness,

I'd never even thought that this broccoli

Could be someone's property.

C'est un de mes plus beaux souvenirs,

Mon petit champ de broccoli.

It's one of my dearest memories,

My little field of broccoli. 

- very strange, 'cause my thoughts are not on that at all...

Sometimes when I lie down

And try to get myself to sleep

I'll have my arms on my side

And feel the wounds of the past

As if I'd just made them now.

The sensation's so real even

If it's my body's memory

Playing it up in that moment,

I feel the throbbing, and the

Blood pulsating out of me.

This happens quite frequently

Even though there's no state

Of mind for self-destruction

And no depressive episode, it

Comes completely unprompted

When I try to relax and find sleep.

It's like my body has its own life

Separate from my mind's control,

It's all very strange considering

It's been years since I've done this.

There's no desire in me to take

Out the cutting implements and

Certainly no desire to hurt myself,

So why my body goes back to that

Reality of a distant past's a mystery,

When all I'm trying to do is sleep.

If only I knew what

Was upsetting you

So much, maybe we

Could talk about it,

And find a resolution.

I'm worried to know

You so upset about

Something, and

Apparently, it's about

Me, but you need to say.

Last time we spoke,

You were happy sharing

About your graduation

And your experiences in

Training, it was wonderful.

There was no indication

Of anything being wrong,

So, you'll need to help

Me with some details

As to what this is about.

I cannot guess.

- we haven't seen each other in 4 years, not because we're fighting or anything like that... just life and being young trying to work out things in his life...

since I'm on vacation, chanced my luck and sent him a text to see if he had any free days from now 'til the 16th... and he does :)  so I'm off to Montréal in a few days... 

Good news, I'll be seeing

My eldest son either Tuesday

Or next Saturday, so excited!

We haven't seen each other in

Years, 'cause life and all of that.

Can't wait to hold him,

Give him the biggest kiss,

And spend time with him.

Oh have I ever missed him!

This is going to be so nice.

- request to HR for an accommodation in relation to my mobility... it's ongoing... 

Started the process on 15 Aug,

Got a response on 22 Aug,

'Cause my email ended up

In the spam box unnoticed.

Then had a Teams meeting

On 28 Aug, had a doctor's

Visit on 3 Sep, and submitted

The doctor's note and then an

Email explaining my situation.

On 5 Sep, I notify HR that

I start my vacation on Friday,

Head's up if they plan a meeting.

They respond asking if JFS

Got in contact with me, and

I reply no one has got in

Contact with me yet, and that

Communication ended there.

So today, I do a follow-up

And ask what's going on...

They tell me that before they

Can render a decision, they

Have to talk with my Chef,

Who happens to be on vacation

At the moment until 10 Sep.

I kind of lose my cool at this

Point and share my stress

And now panic, and put it to

Them to confirm what my

Options would be if my Chef

Did not agree, force myself

To keep going to the office

And probably injure myself,

Or leave my job that I love?

They responded that they should

Be able to accommodate me, but

That they can't possibly make the

Decision without first consulting

With my Chef.  It's at that point

I came to wonder when they were

Planning to let me know about this.

I've had to seek and prompt all

Throughout this process, and got

To say, I'm pretty pissed that this

Is still not resolved after all this time.

And I start my vacation time with

This hanging around not dealt with.

I've been at it for 22 days now,

My nerves have had enough.

Get so self-conscious

Leaving comments

On others' posts 'cause

I never think I have

Anything worthwhile

To offer, and I'm so

Afraid of being an

Annoyance in the end.

I have to wrestle with

This immense anxiety

Any time I communicate

With others, I'm socially

Quite a wreck, really...

I do try to improve myself,

But it's something that'll

Take a while to sort out.

Thanks for your patience.

Fucking hell, girl,

Why won't you give

It a rest already...

No one wants to hear

About that, and anyway,

What do you expect?

A bit unfair to fill the

Space with your negative

Crap, be considerate...

Surely you can write

Better things than that,

Just put your mind to it!

- regular chair is around 32 lbs... electric is around 67 lbs... hm... 

I've been considering a wheelchair

To be able to go to the office and

Not have as much walking to do,

But that solution comes with its

Own set of problems, transport

For one, they are heavy as hell!

Don't know how I'd get that in

The car and get it out on my own.

Plus, I cannot put any weight on

My wrists, so wheeling myself

Around is bound to cause pain.

So not really convinced I want

To be dealing with that right now.