IB M

When you met me, I was the girl

Who had been abused and traumatized

Who was exhausted, at the end of her rope

I was the girl who had spent a good part of

Her youth roaming the streets

Choosing to not go home 'cause

That was way worse than the

Weirdos around the Carré d'Youville

And who then got assaulted so severely

It changed abolutely everything in her

And for a few decades, she had to battle

It out with all the symptoms of trauma

Which made it impossible for her

To carry on day-to-day tasks or contacts

With other people, so she ended isolated.

When you met me, I felt out of options

After all of the years I'd been trying without

Ever yielding any success in my efforts

I felt beaten at the time, and didn't know

What to do anymore, it felt like I'd tried all

There was to try, I'd lost all hope at that point

But with time something happened along the

Way to shift things, and that girl hasn't been me

In a while now, so yes, everything's very good

And I'm really pleased to be able to say

Considering all the previous dark and gloom 

You used to have to read from me all those years

As a child, my family was well-off,

My brother and I could even be

Considered spoiled children who

Lacked absolutely nothing as far

As their basic needs went, and had

All the latest toys and things kids

Wanted in the 80's, 'cause their parents

Inundated them on Christmases

And birthdays with all they wanted.

(In winter, our dad would convert

Our backyard into an iceskating rink,

And mom bought us loads of clothes

And even sewed outfits we wanted too,

The nice things they did in contrast to

What was going on, there's a contradiction

There difficult to reconcile to this day)

But the instability of their mental

States made all of that pretty secondary,

When all of our space was occupied by

Mayhem, fear, and violent tendencies.

Yes, we pretty much had everything,

Except the love and security of parents.

It was a tense situation always having

To be on your toes to avoid harm,

So yes, we had everything, but not quite.

Then one day, mom decided we needed

To get away from dad, so we ran away

One after school afternoon, just picked

Up a few bags of clothes and left

Without warning or goodbyes to anyone.

Our new place is where began our life

In the severest of poverty, we had nothing.

The shelter found us an apartment and

The Salvation army furnished it all.

Mom was too sick by that point to be

Financially independent, so we had to

Rely on social assistance which wasn't

Much, plus mom wasn't all too there

To manage it well either.  So going

Hungry was something I had to learn

To deal with, and I did.  Not having

Clothes or boots, I also learned to

Deal with that.  We were just poor.

I've lived both extremes of financial

Situations, in different contexts, 

And both had a profound effect on me.

I wonder sometimes how my life

Would have turned out had things

Started on a different footing for me.

Everything was so hard for so long,

It really felt like there was no way out.

But somehow, I got there in the end.

- classmate from high school who was kind of a dick back then...

Can't say it's any more clearer now

Why you decided to contact me after

All of these years, considering how

Unkindly you used to treat me. 

So, what prompted you to do that?

Was it some sort of unconscious guilt?

It's not like you offered apologies,

You just contacted me to say hi?

Not that I'm upset about your treatment,

It's stuff that happened when we were kids,

But I'm sure you can see that from my

Perspective, it's all a little bizarre, really.

You clearly didn't like me very much,

So why the sudden urge to say hi now?

Il n'a suffit que leurs regards

se croisent, et dès ce moment,

ils ont su qu'ils vivraient une

belle histoire ensembles.

Ils ne savaient pas combien

belle qu'elle serait, mais ils

savaient qu'elle valait le coup,

le sentiment était presqu'inné.

Les voilà vingt ans plus tard,

tout aussi doux et aimants, 

vivant la meilleure histoire

d'amour et de complicité.

Ils sont devenus compagnons

pour la vie en un instant.

Ils ont su sans savoir que leur

union serait spéciale, alors

ils l'ont suivie pour la découvrir

ne sachant trop à quoi s'attendre.

Et ce fut la plus merveilleuse découverte.

Writing my thoughts

Is so difficult lately

It quickly draws my energy

Like a mountain suddenly

Appeared in my path and

It makes me feel defeated

I can't piece them together into

Words for structured sentences

It feels like too much

The constructing is arduous

There's the other thing too

A lot of insecurity regarding that 

So I put it aside for a while

It's all I manage to do now

- writing exercise... simple rhymes...

How awesome it'd be to be able to forget

How good it'd've been had we never met

Stumbled our way to where we could never get

As if our fates weren't already decided and set

Remember drawing each other's blood, made them fret,

But this incontrollable lust suggested it was our best bet

And it consumed us whole

Here we are broken whole

And there's no offset

And certainly no reset

There's no way to settle this soul debt

So like it or not, we'll always be a threat

To one another, and though it's not happened yet,

One day, we'll be the destruction of each other's net.

A consequence of having been

Through all that I've been through :

I'm able to relate and empathize

With many about what they've

Been through due to having had

First-hand experiences of many

Terrible things of all sorts, which

Is probably why people are drawn

To confide in me very personally.

Trauma, fear, sadness and pain were

The first things I learned of life,

So I have a deep understanding

On how they affect a person

For having had to deal with

The damages they caused me.

I think those who confide in me

Somehow feel that from me even if they

Don't know all I've been through.

People I know, but complete strangers,

Too, have a tendency to open up to me,

To confide very personal struggles.

I don't mind, but it sometimes takes

Me aback because it's all unprompted,

Especially when the person is a stranger

At the bus stop or at the shopping centre,

They tell me deeply personal things,

And I can't say what it is about me

That makes them open up like that.

They don't know anything about me at all,

I just smiled at them and said 'Bonjour', 

And from there, they just talk to me.

I wonder what it is that makes them

Do that, is it a vibe I give off?

I've been through a lot, but they don't

Know that, so not sure why I find

Myself in this situation so frequently.

Most people I know do not experience

These sorts of moments, so that's why

I'm left wondering what causes perfect

Strangers to want to open up to me.

As I said, I don't mind, but it puzzles me

Some, 'cause I'm no one to these people,

Just a stranger who smiled and said hello,

One they'll never see again after that.

Think there're many hurt lonely people out there...

I have two first names as my first name

And two middle names

To make it difficult

My two first names composing

My first name don't have a hyphen

As is customary in Québec

So my second first name constantly

Gets entered as my family name

Because no one figures it's a

Composed first name without hyphen

So I'm constantly addressed

As my second first name and family 

Name as my family name from clients

Everyone never gets it right the first time

You wouldn't believe the trouble this causes

Making my identity be a few names

All those wrong recordings in different

Computer systems like that create

An administrative mess, aside the

Consequences on my life's organization

Incorrect birth certificate, incorrect ID cards

Incorrect login credentials, the list goes on

I get that it's uncommon, but come on...

This is past the beyond ridiculous point

And the days to weeks it takes to sort out,

As if I was the one who'd made the mistake

Really takes the cake, not a source of joy, for sure

- sometimes feels like I have to explain myself as if what I'm doing is very unusual...

I pay a monthly visit

at a place I get errands,

and the security guard

always opens the doors for me,

which is really helpful seeing

as I walk around with poles, so

today he finally asked what that

was about, and I explained.

His immediate reaction

Was to ask where my kids

Are to take care of me,

Since I'm alone at the store.

I told him my kids were

Off taking care of their lives,

As they should, and that

My husband is there for that.

He pointed out he wasn't.

I told him that he really was,

But that I'm pretty stubborn

When it comes to this;

I'll keep doing what I can

Until I can't anymore, so

Since I still can now, I do.

It's bad enough I'm limited

And can't get around much.

I get it may look difficult,

And I probably should have

Someone with me to help,

But I'm not completely there yet.

At some point, this will be

Inevitable, so I'm ok to wait

Before the choice isn't mine.

In the meanwhile, when I can,

I will go places on my own.

Your impression isn't wrong,

It is a bit difficult to get around,

But eventually, I won't be able to...

Now I can, so taking advantage of it.

- she's wholly unimpressed... 

It's really like a wave

Of sheer exasperation

That washes over her

Whenever she's stuck

Having to deal with

Someone like you...

The things that come out of your

Mouth, not to mention what you

Do, greatly convince that you are

A sorry sod, so uninteresting...

None of it gives off a feeling

You have a pampered intellect.

And well, let's admit it, patience

For stupidity isn't her strongsuit.