- sorry it's disturbing, something triggered me this morning... doing my best... 

The earliest memory

Is set at preschool age,

But it's very likely

It started much sooner

Even though the frames

Aren't stored for recall.

What's remembered's

A world of immense

Physical pain much worse

Than angry fists on me,

Of intense terror coupled

With total powerlessness.

They were grown men,

Some were family, some

Strangers brought home,

But all had the same

Vicious intentions of

Using my small body.

And they did for years,

Satisfying themselves at

My expense like that's

All a little girl's good for

While I had no choice to

Endure the cruelty 'cause

That's what they wanted.

All beyond words to

Remember, but the one

Thing most unforgettable's

How my tears, my screams

Were the height of pleasure

For them - more the better.

With pins on my belly, or

An assortment of objects,

Or even biting to blood,

There's nothing that

Wasn't done to create,

Extract the most pain.

And that look in their

Eyes, that sadistic smile

On their face, haunt me

Everlastingly to this day...

It makes me shudder

How much satisfaction

There was for these grown

Men about killing a child's

Soul so ruthlessly, so

Willingly and repeatedly...

And today, a simple touch can

Throw me back to those times.

They aren't things you

Can ever get away from.

What's been done's been done,

And the weight to carry it all

Falls on the child so betrayed,

Demolished by their actions.

Wounds like that never heal.

No matter how much talking

You do, there's no way to fix

Such damage for a mind to

Forget or accept, it's just there

Like an unwanted, uninvited

Passenger who'll always stick

By you, like it or not, 'til the end;

It's a punishment that'll last a life...