- the unspeakable was lived or witnessed with close people... that's what it was all about... 

Feeling so far removed

From that young girl

You met those years ago

When I arrived your way.

Shattered and in tatters is how

You met me for a long time.

With so many unspeakable

Things I laid out there

For anyone who might

Care to know, maybe...

'Cause at that point, what

To do had no answers.

There was so much

Damage to contend with,

And absolutely no one

Around to help through it.

So I put it out there

As I tried to find the words

To process the unexplainable

I've been subjected to in life.

I often tried to depict

The terrible pain it all caused,

And how its intensity would

Grow to dangerous levels.

I've nearly destroyed myself

And made my death-wish come true.

I caused my own damage on purpose

Hoping it'd be the very last time.

But here I am, still standing now.

Even when it was taken from me,

Or when I made it happen myself,

Life didn't want to leave me.

I don't know how many times

It was nearly over for good,

Yet, here I am still, and that part

Makes me wonder sometimes.

As I said, though, feeling so far removed

From the ruthlessly unending nightmare.

I know every bit is from my life, I lived it,

But I don't view it the same or feel it anymore.

For the very first time,

I feel it's going to be ok.

It's not a feeling I'm used to,

But it's really soothing to feel.