the arms around me

until i woke

i thought were yours

they were my own

and i was cold

~

why are you haunting me

why can i not let you go

~

ice all along the shore that winter

that crystalline christmas

how you laughed   eyes a-sparkle   as we walked   

your blue coat unzipped   

so cold!

~

i sat on the edge of the tub

that evening 

while you bathed

a hint of red

a plume wafting   barely

~

that was the winter we met colin and marcy   

and spent the night at kim's

~

and you taught me to play dolphins

the deep dive

my eyes wide with astonishment

how it reminded me of swedish licorice!

i am still astonished

~

sitting in bed afterward   side by side

reading

your hand reaching for mine

just to touch

just to be sure

~

a needlepoint   a blue heart for my birthday

lynn   

stitched in violet 

a pullover of yellow flannel   sewn by your hands

to keep me warm

~

i need it now 

~

i could go on and on   delaying the inevitable

be philosophical about it 

say   things happen for a reason

they do

i gave you good reason

~

you haunt me

i cannot let you go

have no desire to let you go