- granted after over a decade being cooped up in my room, it's probably not a surprise that it's been a shock to the system having this new world of people around me in the work context only for the last near two years now... my life has drastically changed in ways I never thought would ever be a possibility... all very positive changes, for sure... however, the social exposure is one I find difficult... sure my lack of practice, so to speak, might have something to do with it, but at the same time, people's behaviors are often difficult to follow... they often make me feel in disbelief and mind blown... 

It's finally been determined recently by my health professional that my main diagnosis is complex post traumatic stress disorder... which didn't come as a surprise at all... you don't go through all I've been through without coming out of it affected... there's no way... the only surprising thing about it is how it took over 30 years to finally be clocked by a health a professional... 

When my new life began two years ago, I guess I was hoping having people around me would be a good thing and possibly help me to make connections with others... but that is not what I'm finding at all... it's a huge disappointment... and the experience only reenforces my belief that I just don't belong anywhere... there's no place for me... 'cause I don't want to jump in this way of being with others just to 'make it'... it just doesn't make sense at all and there really is no appeal...

sorry for the rambling... just in a weird phase, working out stuff, I guess... as ever, thanks for your support... means a lot *hugs* xx

Dealing with people is truly an art,

One for which I simply do not

Possess any sort of significant ability...

And being forced to is pure torture.

Don't get me wrong, I do not

Not like people, that is not the issue.

I easily get along with everyone...

But not everyone wants to.

That's the part that immobilizes

My mind and I can't find the reason 

Why a lot need to create stories

And make everyone's time miserable.

Gratuitous unkindness has a way

Of triggering parts of my past,

And I realize that's no one's problem

But my own, but come on...

It comes to me completely uninvited

And apparently, it's my burden to

Learn how to deal with this nonsense...

Which is everywhere anywhere people are.

It's unavoidable, it just is how it is.

It's exhausting, so disheartening, really.