- on to the next chapters of my life...  I realize this is a bit weird to express it in this way, but there you go...

Here's a very embarrassing admission... F.i.in.e Moods stands for:  Fucked up, Insecure, Insanely Neurotic, Emotional Moods... I know it's nothing brilliant, but it certainly felt fitting at the time... the origins are lifted from Aerosmith's song F*I*N*E from their 1989 Pump album... 

I've decided to finally lay her to rest

For she has fulfilled her protection of me

Through all those years of immeasurable pain

I was left to deal with after all of the horrors.

We 'came together' when I was a preteen,

During those years when I started roaming the streets.

F*I*N*E was my nickname then because of the patch

I'd sewn on my jean jacket displaying those letters.

It's how I was called by all on the streets,

So it's been an association for a very long time,

And so in a way she's been a part of me through everything

I had to deal with, seeing me through many rough spots.

When I started writing online about all I'd experienced,

I modified my nickname to F.i.in.e Moods,

And she somehow was a strengthened F*I*N*E who

Became my shield to hide behind to protect myself.

But today, I do not need to protect myself anymore.

I'm no longer terrified or pained or hidden away

To the extremes I needed to survive for so many years,

So this survival mechanism is truly no longer required.

I have to admit that I'm sad to let her go, 

It feels like a death of a dear one to me.

But I know at this juncture it's what's needed

For me to move on to the next steps of my life.

So, I can only say my goodbye to my dearest FM,

She'll always hold a special place in my heart.

But it's time for me to step out of my hiding,

And allow myself to exist in this world as only me.

All that happened isn't anywhere near who I am,

And she and I only existed because of what happened.

But that time is gone, and though it was a great

Support, it's over now... she can rest at last, as can I.