But What?

I don’t believe in a God
But I feel you
I know your presence in the mirror next to me
Trying to tell me
What I should do
Sometimes I don’t listen
Most times I don’t listen

But I love your voice
When you whisper in my ear
When I play music
And feel your hands on my hips
Telling me to move
Telling me to live
Telling me to love
And I love
And I try to love myself
I try to love myself unconditionally
But in my mind there’s always conditions
But what this
But what that
But what hit this with a wiffle ball bat

I feel you when I laugh
I feel you when I cry
I feel you most every time that I want to
want to
want to
want
to no longer be here

I feel you least when I indulge in my urges

All I feel is my blood
My body
Hands moving
Muscles tensing
Eyes focused
Ears ringing

Completion

Then I feel you again
And I feel shame
But I feel your embrace
And know all is okay

But what is God?
But what is a God?
But what am I to not believe,
But to feel?



Poetry by Paul Vermette
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Written on 2025-03-04 at 05:22

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Griffonner The PoetBay support member heart!
Your interesting poem does not seem to contain a specific context, it appears to be a personal reflection from the protagonist (you?), who grapples with existential questions regarding faith, self-worth, and emotional struggles. My overall feeling, having read it twice, is that you do in fact believe in something that you are unable to label. Hence you ask "But what is God?" (I'm assuming an emphasis is on the word 'is'.) I feel that mystery will ever remain whilst we are in this physical body, as it seems to me each and every one of us has a different and slightly unique answer to that question. I myself currently thinking that the answer to your question is 'an energy'.
Blessings, Allen
2025-03-06