- when my major depressive disorder was in a severe state, it led a couple times to a substance abuse disorder... it's a very specific state of mind that used to get me to behave this way... 

from preteen years to early adulthood when I roamed the streets, it was a regular behavior... when I found out I was expecting my first child, I stopped it... it wasn't an issue for me to stop because although I severely abused drugs, I did not develop an issue of addiction... 

but the traumas and severe depressive states I had to deal with made it that I faltered and totally crashed as far as who I am as a person... it happened in 2005 and in 2015... lasting a few months each time where I was very, very far from sober... it wasn't drugs, but it was an awful lot of alcohol... 

alcohol really screws up my thyroid gland... and my body now totally rejects it and makes me throw up... 

During my last crisis a decade ago,

A severe intolerance was developed,

And my body now rejects all forms

Of alcohol, so I can't drink at all.

Not that I've ever really liked it,

Despite the couple episodes when

I severely abused it, I still didn't

Like it, other issues were going on.

So today, there's no way for me

To just have a drink, it makes me ill;

This intolerance came after that last

Time, and I say that's a good thing.

I'll never be able to satisfy my

Disorder in any circumstance should

It rear its head again in the future.

But in saying that, I don't think

It'll ever do again, I'm sure that's done.

Life is so far removed from all these

Struggles now, the despair doesn't

Exist anymore, it'd be so out of place

For that problem to return 'cause

None of the circumstances which

Brought me to these infrequent crashes

Are any longer a reality for my life.

So yeah, it's all good, in my view.