describes the fight to capture an orignal idea


gone

In the time it takes you to write this im gone

A fleeting thought im gone

Like every image you ever cared about : gone

I ride just above the hot warm breath that is spewed out from your lifeless sayings

Living and festering just beyond your grasp

I'm gone, taunting you with grandiose sayings ideas and feelings

That you may never own

O how you wish you could put me to work

Capturing me harnessing me making me dance upon the paper

Like stars upon the night sky

But you tricked me here

By describing our little fable

You are smarter then I thought

As I lay here imprisoned in my own quandary i will escape

For as quickly as im here
I am gone

by philip reis 11/20/06



Poetry by philip reis
Read 966 times
Written on 2006-11-20 at 18:51

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betsy Firefly
Not so easy, but you did a fine job describing it, Phil!
2007-03-06


Callisto Jean
I absolutely understand every emotion you're trying to convey in this poem! I think everyone will. It's very clear.

I enjoyed these lines specifically: "I ride just above the hot warm breath that is spewed out from your lifeless sayings", "By describing our little fable", and the final two lines "For as quickly as im here/I am gone".

I very much enjoyed how you personified the subject. It made me think of wind which (I feel) is similar. It helped evoke understanding and appreciation. I love the word choice; the use of hundred dollar words were refreshing: grandiose and quandary. The flow was generally smooth.

The only thing I would try to improve upon is the punctuation. It would make the flow a lot better.

Fantastic job,
Cj.

Language: 4
Format: 3
Mood: 5
Overall: 4
2007-02-28


Callisto Jean
I absolutely understand every emotion you're trying to convey in this poem! I think everyone will. It's very clear.

I enjoyed these lines specifically: "I ride just above the hot warm breath that is spewed out from your lifeless sayings", "By describing our little fable", and the final two lines "For as quickly as im here/I am gone".

I very much enjoyed how you personified the subject. It made me think of wind which (I feel) is similar. It helped evoke understanding and appreciation. I love the word choice; the use of hundred dollar words were refreshing: grandiose and quandary. The flow was generally smooth.

The only thing I would try to improve upon is the punctuation. It would make the flow a lot better.

Fantastic job,
Cj.

Language: 4
Format: 3
Mood: 5
Overall: 4
2007-02-28