Six

The world smells angry today
as i listen to the colour blue
trumpet through the cotton clouds
i touch the substance of the day
and note its worth
and spend it by the hour
i drink my coffee
the candle flickers
and distracts me from my thoughts
the melody of this day plays softly
but the noise is still too much
how the weight of life is so unstable here
i taste the dreams that never were
and see the echoes of forgotten hopes
i'm corroded by a life dripping down on me
my thoughts conspire
and i have to agree
that the sense of any meaning
is just another casualty
the world smells angry today
full of angry mice
and angry men.


© Rik - 09/12/2006




Poetry by Rik The PoetBay support member heart!
Read 1460 times
Written on 2006-12-10 at 00:35

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Purple Puddles
It started of very nicely. Very Creative.
But the end could use some reworking...
Just my opinion.

Language: 5
Format: 4
Mood: 5
Overall: 4
2011-01-30



Stark, vivid image of "life dripping down on me." Pensive mood-piece, brutally honest and intimate. I also like the lines about the melody of the passing day being too loud.

Language: 4
Format: 4
Mood: 5
Overall: 4
2009-03-04


ceciliaviola
Spot on, just how I felt today

Language: 5
Format: 5
Mood: 5
Overall: 5
2006-12-12


Zoya Zaidi
I can feel the pain here
And I do agree, that when
life comes 'dripping down on you',
it is a great sense of futility,
of hope, of aspirations,
Of dreams that never were- never would be...
There are days like that, and they have to be...
But life has its candle flickering deep inside of thee,
And one day it will come to life and fill your whole being,
Till then hang on my friend, -just be...
(((Hugs for this poignant post, Rik!)))
Sigh!
*Bookmarked*
Love, Zoya

Language: 5
Format: 5
Mood: 5
Overall: 5
2006-12-10


Saga
Everyone wants to be everything and can barely be who they are inside!!!

Language: 5
Format: 5
Mood: 5
Overall: 5
2006-12-10


lastromantichero The PoetBay support member heart!
Rik this is a masterpiece of thewwritten word I will book mark this

straight away well done and its evocative nature is just the way I have been feeling dealing with demons so i relate well done rgds mike

Language: 5
Format: 5
Mood: 5
Overall: 5
2006-12-10


Teala
This is very vibrant and colourful..I love it! Great job!

Language: 4
Format: 4
Mood: 5
Overall: 5
2006-12-10


Kathy Lockhart
I know those days. This speaks volumns to me. The images and feelings your words create in me are intense and deeply penetrating.
2006-12-10


Rob Graber
Angry-smelling day... cool concept, vivid images enhanced by sense-mixing.
2006-12-10