Christin Brennan
hi Rik!
haven't been on the site for too long, but i remember you helping me w/ some of my poems in the past, so i figured i'd put my 2 cents in your latest poem. (only thing i don't like about this site is the two-sentence comments. i like real, sought after feedback, so that's what i give but let me know if that's not what you're wanting :)

-'...or when God throws the DICE/ the strangeness of your duplicity/ fuels the stars that charm the NIGHT.'> who are you kidding dude. if rhyming is the name of the game for this piece, than don't take short cuts. it's like you left one button undone on your shirt on purpose

-And as we wonder at your wonder/...you really are very queer.'> 2nd wonder is unnecessary & sounds a little corning read allowed/ in 'you Really are Very queer,' really & very seem a cheap was to emphasis queer because you don't know how to write. hate using this word, but it's very 'telly,' in other places as well

-however, the first stanza, despite it's rhyme mess, is very good, the word choice is sharp & gives an awesome intro into the subject you 'interwine' the right way, & not too much, throughout this piece. i also liked 'unnoticed until you are sought' (you actually wrote 'until your are sought' which i know you didn't mean), & it's those sort of lines that give this poem potential for even better poetry

(i'd really love to see what you think about the newest one i've posted. you can tell me where it needs help)
cheers,
christin
2010-04-08

EMITSTI
Superb text, ord, mening, betydelse, liv, tanke och djup som vanligt:)!

Saknar dig på svenska poeter.se:)! I'm back for there for a while;)
2010-02-12

NicholasG
A fine article about a particle,
maligned yet undefined
"Pop" goes the universe:-)
Nick
2010-01-06