Sequel to "Not a Whiny Brat"...um...read that first please.


Not a Whiny Brat 2: To live

I'm calmed down after writing that piece. And I want to clear things up. For those of you who've ever felt suicidal, you probably sat there thinking "Ok...she why doesn't she kill herself if she hates herself?"

Because.

Even if I am seeing all these flaws, there are times when I can see the good qualities. There are points when I can see the hope. When I can see beyond all this and I know I can't die. I just can't do that to people.

Yes, I'll admit. There are times when I've thought about suicide. But I wouldn't do it. Not because I don't have the guts. Because I'd regret it. I'd regret everything I would miss, I'd regret the friends I hurt, I'd regret the family members I hurt. I would regret it. My mother has told me twice to kill myself. I've wondered "What would she say if I actually did?" But the truth is, I really don't want to know that. Why throw my entire life, which I've barely lived, away just because I want to know her reaction?

So, I'm, sitting here
And I'm finally knowing
I want to live.

I honestly, truely want to live.



Diary by Marie
Read 851 times
Written on 2006-02-27 at 04:56

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