F.i.in.e Moods

- perspective :  consequences of severe prolonged isolation... 

What appears in these writings

Is all of the unspoken thoughts

My quietness won't let me get out.

So, contrary to what may seem to be,

This apparent self-absorption doesn't

Describe my usual nature, way of being.

Whether about myself or other topics,

Talking is something I rarely do, plus

The opportunities are more than scarce.

And now, the problem is that I spend way

Too much time alone with my head,

Day in, day out, on my own in my room

With little to no exterior stimuli to

Spark my attentions elsewhere, so

The thoughts just turn on themselves.

The days meld into the nights, on a loop,

And everything is simply stalled as well,

The need to find outside input's screaming.

Resolving these isolation issues of mine

Is something that's been worked on for years,

Traumas have improved, but not enough yet.

So, this is the only space I have,

And right now, the only people

Around are you who come to read.

You help me get a sense that I exist.

Somewhere.

Somehow.

- not part of any political anything personally, but as an observer, the 'conservative' parties' mentalities have always been difficult for me... however, what's been going on in the US for the last few years, all of it is stepping into the Twilight Zone bizarre and is alarmingly concerning...

It's disturbing

How little sense

Is parading

As being the truth.

It's distressing

The level of animosity

That comes out when

Lies turn to beliefs.

It's depressing

Being forced to make

Sense of the senseless,

And it being laid in law.

It's revolting

How a fractional minority

Can affect such a wide

Majority for the worse.

There's a certain measure

Of frustration that's building

And it feels so immature

In some ways, looks for sure

It's just a life spent battling

The mental anguishes of abuse

And as this suffocating fog was

Clearing finally, it's the body's turn

The one struggle glided right 

Into another formidable barrier

And the only direction it can head

Is complete dependence, a live death

It feels like life is a sincere cheat

Always interfering with efforts of hope

And so, yes, my frustration is building

In a manner it's never been felt before

- a bit of self-pity in a silly ditty, I suppose... sorry about that.. my body is in constant pain due to my connective tissues seemingly being on a degenerative course last couple years... can't say that I'm doing well with my new limited mobility... and treatment, well, the meds didn't help, so recently stopped them... no other alternatives were offered by the doctor, so no pain relief as of yet... as for physio, it surprisingly fixed the subscapularis tendinopathy in my right shoulder... I can move my arm again without the terrible pain it'd been for months... but the ligament sprain in my left knee, the synovitis in my left hip, and all the other constant inflammatory flare-ups in the rest of my joints are not showing much improvement... it's really getting me down to have so much trouble taking a simple walk...

Oh, pain, pain

Do like the rain

Come another day

Please just go away

Oh, pain, pain

You're such a drain

Can I not sway

You to go astray

Oh, pain, pain

You're my restraint

Extinguishing the day

Mood's not too far away

it's the spaces in between

that make him the most serene

no abrasions

no invasions

a misunderstood simplicity

others don't realize they envy