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F.i.in.e Moods





Current Mood:  undefined

Current Music:  "Words as Weapons" - Seether

 

NOTE:  2017 05 22  17H42 EST  Ramblings 392 - ramblings...



Ramblings 392

Written 2017-05-23

 

Giving credence to your reality

isn't an option I can contemplate,

'cause if I did,

I'd give you a purpose

 

and then, I'd never get well

 

 



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Current Mood:  undefined

Current Music:  (none)

 

NOTE:  2017 05 20  17H07 EST  Ramblings 391 -



Ramblings 391

Written 2017-05-20

 

It's become abundantly clear to me

That spending too much time

On my own, with my mind,

Is just not a winning combination.

 

So how do I change that?

 

 



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Current Mood:  undefined

Current Music:  "Passion Rain" - MdG (independent)

 

NOTE:  2017 05 17  20H33 EST  Stepping Away - ramblings...



Stepping Away

Written 2017-05-18

 

I've come to the conclusion

That I want nothing more

To do with you and how

You take a hold over me.

 

It's now time for me to look

Beyond other circumstances,

And work with all of my heart

Toward them, to leave everything

 

Else behind...

All that screams

To find its end,

'Cause I need it.

 

I need for it all to be done,

And over with ;  a pure break...

Don't want it to ever occupy

My spare spaces ever again.

 

I smile,

But still,

I seek for you

To finally let go.

 

Let me go,

Let me

(I say

To myself)

 

 



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Current Mood:  undefined...

Current Music:  ''Angels on the Moon'' - Thriving Ivory

 

NOTE:  2014 03 12  00H50 EST  Lessons -



Lessons

Written 2017-04-24

 

I learned to fear

and navigate through

terror and violence

 

I learned to not trust

adults and not believe

they'd all keep me safe

 

I learned to walk on egg

shells around the twisted

minds my kin battled with

 

I learned to read well

the mood in a room to

avoid running into harm

 

I learned to erase myself

so to attract the least

attention in my direction

 

I learned to be quiet

'cause no one could do

anything anyway

 

I learned very early

that I wasn't important

to anyone; I didn't matter

 

I learned to destroy myself

'cause I believed as much

in my worth as they did

 

I learned to live dead

and away from anything

resembling who I am

 

In the end though,

 

I learned to climb out

of the pits of despair

and to stand before you

 

I learned the words,

how to fend off the pull,

and found I can walk

 

I learned there's more

to me than what's been

attempted to make of me

 

I learned it was all wrong

and out of my hands; the guilt

should've never been mine

 



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Current Mood:  undefined

Current Music:  "Silence (feat. Sarah McLachlan)" - Delerium

 

NOTE:  2017 02 01  11H19 EST  Ramblings 388 -



Ramblings 388

Written 2017-02-02

 

In most people's thoughts

A ban would be in order

'Cause hearing the words to

Describe it are too shocking

 

A bit of an understatement

Considering even the 'professionals'

Felt completely overwhelmed by the

Story she painstakingly hoped not to tell

 

They don't know

She certainly doesn't either

It's just what was and what is

This isolation makes it all the more sore

 

 



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Current Mood:  weird

Current Music:  "Passion Rain" - MdG (independent)

 

NOTE:  2017 01 19  14H48 EST  Ramblings 386 -



Ramblings 386

Written 2017-01-19

 

My mother used to sneer at me

That I was a "bleeding heart to the world" ...

 

She also used to make me doubt my every

Decision, thought, and move ...

 

She used to say that "We're all partly responsible

For what happens to us", and she said it at

 

The most awkward moment possible, I'd say:

I'd just told her about this boy who took me against my will ...

 

My mother, although I fully realize she's sick,

I was on the receiving end nonetheless ...

 

Not really sure where I'm going with these thoughts,

But they just the same go around my mind ...

 



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Current Mood:  undefined

Current Music:  "I Lost My Baby" - Jean Leloup

 

NOTE:  2016 12 27  18H58 EST  Ramblings 377 -



Ramblings 377

Written 2016-12-28

 

It's not really about that she loves him

Appears more to be about the fight between

The other girl, and winning the man in the middle

Over that other one, as though that made any sense

 

Personally

I don't get it

But having seen it

Many times, makes me wonder...

 

Very seriously

 

 



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"Thank You for Being You" by Rik (translation)

Written 2016-12-03

 

- this is a rough translation into French of Rik's "Thank You for Being You"...

he asked me 'cause he's interested in French... so, voilà, as best as I could... 

 

The birds fell silent
Les oiseaux se sont tus

 

The flowers bowed their heads
Les fleurs ont baissé leurs têtes

 

The stars that had shone for an eternity
Les étoiles qui avaient brillé pour une éternité

 

Turned towards the face of death
Se sont tournées vers la face de la mort

 

The air was still
L'air était immobile

 

Nothing moved
Plus rien ne bougeait

 

Except the beat of a fragile heart
À part les battements d'un coeur fragile

 

The ground shuddered beneath my feet
Le sol tremblait sous mes pieds

 

As I stumbled into the dark
Comme je trébuchais dans le noir

 

And when all was lost
Et quand tout s'était perdu

 

I heard a voice
J'ai entendu une voix

 

As gentle as the summer breeze
Aussi douce que la brise d'été

 

And there you were
Et te voilà, t'es apparue

 

Across the void
De l'autre côté du néant

 

Reaching out to me
En étendant tes bras vers moi

 

You touched my soul
Tu as joins mon âme

 

With tender words
Avec la tendresse de tes mots

 

A caring loving heart
Un coeur si tendrement aimant

 

Pierced the storm
A percé la tempête

 

Stayed my course
A redressé mon chemin

 

Lifted me from my knees
M'a fait lever de mes genoux

 

Many years have passed since that day
Des années se sont écoulées depuis ce jour

 

Every year I owe to you
Chaque année, je te dois 

 

The stars are shining once again
Les étoiles brillent à nouveau

 

The birds are singing
Les oiseaux chantent

 

And the flowers bloom.
Et les fleurs s'épanouissent

 



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Current Mood:  undefined

Current Music:  "Operation Spirit (The Tyranny of Tradition) " - Live

 

NOTE:  2016 12 02  20H19 EST  Ramblings 373 -



Ramblings 373

Written 2016-12-03

 

- conversations with a friend these last few weeks brings about these ramblings...

 

It's funny, I find myself talking about

you a lot lately, against what I care to

 

It's obvious your influence, impression made

its mark into my day-to-day life despite me

 

It's only sure that you find your way to the surface

to this day, despite my need to eradicate you from it all

 

It's not a natural wish for a child to have

but that's what you bestowed upon me

 

It's funny, isn't it?  I talk about you still

when all my feelings are disconnected

 

 

 



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Current Mood:  undefined

Current Music:  "Life is Beautiful" - Sixx A.M.

 

NOTE:  2016 11 29  02H00 EST  Ramblings 371 - please...



Ramblings 371

Written 2016-11-29

 

Please, don't go down that path

It'll only mess you up further

Trust me, I speak from experience

 

Yes, I do understand the release

But someday it won't be anymore

It'll become an unscratchable itch

 

One you can never relieve in any way

You'll only want more and more just to

Have a chance to hope it'll go away

 

But in this way, it never will

I know youth hates to hear oldies

We went through the same thing

 

And later realized, they were on

To something, after all, and we get

Around to feeling if only we'd listened

 

It's the only reason I'm persisting

Aside that I love you and want

The best for you; my heart is all in, here

 



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Diary

2017

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2016

December (3)
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2015

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2014

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2012

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2005

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