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F.i.in.e Moods





Current Mood:  weird

Current Music:  "Passion Rain" - MdG (independent)

 

NOTE:  2017 01 19  14H48 EST  Ramblings 386 -



Ramblings 386

Written 2017-01-19

 

My mother used to sneer at me

That I was a "bleeding heart to the world" ...

 

She also used to make me doubt my every

Decision, thought, and move ...

 

She used to say that "We're all partly responsible

For what happens to us", and she said it at

 

The most awkward moment possible, I'd say:

I'd just told her about this boy who took me against my will ...

 

My mother, although I fully realize she's sick,

I was on the receiving end nonetheless ...

 

Not really sure where I'm going with these thoughts,

But they just the same go around my mind ...

 



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Current Mood:  undefined

Current Music:  "I Lost My Baby" - Jean Leloup

 

NOTE:  2016 12 27  18H58 EST  Ramblings 377 -



Ramblings 377

Written 2016-12-28

 

It's not really about that she loves him

Appears more to be about the fight between

The other girl, and winning the man in the middle

Over that other one, as though that made any sense

 

Personally

I don't get it

But having seen it

Many times, makes me wonder...

 

Very seriously

 

 



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"Thank You for Being You" by Rik (translation)

Written 2016-12-03

 

- this is a rough translation into French of Rik's "Thank You for Being You"...

he asked me 'cause he's interested in French... so, voilà, as best as I could... 

 

The birds fell silent
Les oiseaux se sont tus

 

The flowers bowed their heads
Les fleurs ont baissé leurs têtes

 

The stars that had shone for an eternity
Les étoiles qui avaient brillé pour une éternité

 

Turned towards the face of death
Se sont tournées vers la face de la mort

 

The air was still
L'air était immobile

 

Nothing moved
Plus rien ne bougeait

 

Except the beat of a fragile heart
À part les battements d'un coeur fragile

 

The ground shuddered beneath my feet
Le sol tremblait sous mes pieds

 

As I stumbled into the dark
Comme je trébuchais dans le noir

 

And when all was lost
Et quand tout s'était perdu

 

I heard a voice
J'ai entendu une voix

 

As gentle as the summer breeze
Aussi douce que la brise d'été

 

And there you were
Et te voilà, t'es apparue

 

Across the void
De l'autre côté du néant

 

Reaching out to me
En étendant tes bras vers moi

 

You touched my soul
Tu as joins mon âme

 

With tender words
Avec la tendresse de tes mots

 

A caring loving heart
Un coeur si tendrement aimant

 

Pierced the storm
A percé la tempête

 

Stayed my course
A redressé mon chemin

 

Lifted me from my knees
M'a fait lever de mes genoux

 

Many years have passed since that day
Des années se sont écoulées depuis ce jour

 

Every year I owe to you
Chaque année, je te dois 

 

The stars are shining once again
Les étoiles brillent à nouveau

 

The birds are singing
Les oiseaux chantent

 

And the flowers bloom.
Et les fleurs s'épanouissent

 



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Current Mood:  undefined

Current Music:  "Operation Spirit (The Tyranny of Tradition) " - Live

 

NOTE:  2016 12 02  20H19 EST  Ramblings 373 -



Ramblings 373

Written 2016-12-03

 

- conversations with a friend these last few weeks brings about these ramblings...

 

It's funny, I find myself talking about

you a lot lately, against what I care to

 

It's obvious your influence, impression made

its mark into my day-to-day life despite me

 

It's only sure that you find your way to the surface

to this day, despite my need to eradicate you from it all

 

It's not a natural wish for a child to have

but that's what you bestowed upon me

 

It's funny, isn't it?  I talk about you still

when all my feelings are disconnected

 

 

 



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Current Mood:  undefined

Current Music:  "Life is Beautiful" - Sixx A.M.

 

NOTE:  2016 11 29  02H00 EST  Ramblings 371 - please...



Ramblings 371

Written 2016-11-29

 

Please, don't go down that path

It'll only mess you up further

Trust me, I speak from experience

 

Yes, I do understand the release

But someday it won't be anymore

It'll become an unscratchable itch

 

One you can never relieve in any way

You'll only want more and more just to

Have a chance to hope it'll go away

 

But in this way, it never will

I know youth hates to hear oldies

We went through the same thing

 

And later realized, they were on

To something, after all, and we get

Around to feeling if only we'd listened

 

It's the only reason I'm persisting

Aside that I love you and want

The best for you; my heart is all in, here

 



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Current Mood:  undefined

Current Music:  "Spanish Train" - Chris de Burgh

 

NOTE:  2016 11 25  23H02 EST  You Understand? - ramblings...



You Understand?

Written 2016-11-26

 

You know why I say I'm not a writer?

'Cause I compare my scribblings

To what it could be but that I can't

Achieve like Mark Twain, Oscar Wilde,

Edgar Allan Poe, Arthur Rimbaud, and

So many others I'm not listing here...

 

What those authors wrote are so beyond

Beautiful use of the language and expression.

More than that, it's the wit and intelligence

Behind the words they chose to form together.

I don't know, with that in mind, oh, I can't

For the life of me consider myself a writer...

 



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Current Mood:  undefined

Current Music:  "Elastic Heart" - Sia

 

NOTE:  2016 11 21  04H35 EST  Ramblings 369 -



Ramblings 369

Written 2016-11-23

 

How long has it been now?

Since your ego took over,

And couldn't let you admit

What she said was the truth

 

Thrown in your face?

(You know; what you hate?)

(Over two years now)

When you weren't ready

 

To take it yet; being pushed,

Before what you could face.

Yet, that unpreparedness,

You decided to whip her with,

 

Like it was her fault to mention it?

All she did was voice her concerns

And worries toward you, and remind

You of the conditions why you're back

 

Together in any way of a relationship?

Don't condemn her for those conditions.

You don't realize what you made her

Live during those other years.  (Unlike you,)

 

As the child, she doesn't wish to hold you

Responsible for many things she really should...

Unlike you, and your unresolved issues

With your own parents, she's not like you at all,

 

Even though she'd have every reason to be...

You seem to fail to see that reality

She forgave you, and then you went ahead

And did this, like you were anywhere justified?

 

What the hell is wrong with you?

All she ever did is love you,

So enlighten her, here;

Don't you, too?

 

 

 



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Current Mood:  undefined

Current Music:  "The Funeral" - Band of Horses

 

NOTE:  2016 11 04  04H26 EST  Ramblings 363 -



Ramblings 363

Written 2016-11-04

 

Some day, it'll all make sense to

Me, and to you, and others maybe

Until then, though, let's agree

We're missing quite a few steps

 

And those steps will come

To be in words, but not now

In the meantime, though,

Hold me, love me as you do

 

'Cause anything else doesn't

Gel in mind - we're one of a kind

What life was, what life is now

There's no path to do it without you

 

There're no ways to explain it all

One like you wasn't supposed to exist

And yet, here you are, here you've been

Through all of these years, holding on

 

To me, little old unimpressive me

You hang on to me to this day

Through all of what you know about it all

You stick around, love me nonetheless

 

There're no scenarios in my mind

To make this any better in any way

Without you, I know where I'd be

And it wouldn't be as this good as this

 



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Current Mood:  undefined

Current Music:  "Hatefuck" - Cruel Youth

 

NOTE:  2016 11 03  21H32 EST  You - ramblings...



You

Written 2016-11-04

 

i remember you

all of it, to the last detail

the blood we drew out of

each other, and every other

time when we needed this

 

i remember you

and to this day, i'll never

for the life of me forget you

you saved me more than

anything you ever thought

 

was going on between us...

i just remember

and i can never forget

 



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"Streets of Québec" by Russell Clepper (1979)



"Streets of Québec" by Russell Clepper

Written 2016-10-19

 

" We were drinking hard on rue Couillard as the bars were letting out

The Northern Lights were a gossamer blight just knocking some stars about

Those stars shone down in shadows where no light ever shone back out

We tuned guitars beneath the stars of that ruined, ribbon sky

a mandolin sounded still in the wind and froze some passers-by

The lilting sharp of some wino’s mouth-harp seemed to cry

 

I saw the street lamps burning low

I listened to the whispering wind blow

I felt it on the back of my neck

sitting on the streets of Québec

 

Now Spider sang a few of those weary blues and the crowd drew closer in

I sang high part and I pierced a heart as the toothless wino grinned

And Nick Goodspeed, he blew some weed and howled into the wind

 

I saw the street lamps burning low

I listened to the whispering wind blow

I felt it on the back of my neck

sitting on the streets of Québec

 

We sang hard and loud to reach the crowd as the faces came and went

The walls of stone echoed our tones when all our songs were spent

we left the site well past midnight with no word of what it all meant

But every now and then I remember when we walked those narrow streets

the cracked asphalt, the high church vault, the girls swaying to the beat

Those dark shadows where starlight froze, our song so short and sweet

 

I saw the street lamps burning low

I listened to the whispering wind blow

And I felt it on the back of my neck

sitting on the streets of Québec "

 

Russell Clepper - (no album title) - track : Streets of Québec (1979)

 

background: 

 

This artist is a friend of my step-father... they sort of grew up together for a time in their twenties - musicians who drank way too much, really... the references in this song are people I know or heard about while growing up... also the references of downtown Québec are close to my heart as well... this song is like two generations meeting and achieving the same sort of feelings, even if the circumstances were wholly different... I put the lyrics of this song in my diary here because the song means a lot to me... plus, the track that I have on my playlist is a rendition of Russell's song, sung by his son, Jason, who committed suicide at the age of 22... I met Jason only a few times, but his personality and his way of being left a huge, positive impact on me... so this song is filled with emotion for me...

 



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Diary

2017

January (1)

2016

December (3)
November (5)
October (15)
September (28)
June (2)
May (4)

2015

December (1)
October (2)
August (7)
July (13)
June (18)
May (14)
April (1)
March (4)
February (4)
January (16)

2014

November (7)
October (1)
September (2)
August (2)
July (9)
June (1)
May (4)
April (8)
March (10)
February (4)
January (1)

2013

June (5)
May (9)
April (6)
March (2)
February (1)

2012

November (2)
October (8)
July (5)
June (5)
March (3)

2011

December (1)
March (3)

2010

December (1)
October (1)
September (1)
August (1)
April (1)
January (1)

2009

December (8)
November (3)
October (2)
September (2)

2008

September (1)
August (1)
July (2)
June (7)
May (3)
April (1)
January (1)

2007

October (3)
September (6)
August (10)
June (2)
May (5)
April (5)
March (11)
February (3)

2006

December (3)
November (2)
September (2)
July (7)
June (4)
May (2)
April (1)
March (1)
February (1)
January (1)

2005

December (2)
November (1)
October (5)
September (17)