This is a bit of a mess I guess. Any suggestions?

Deepest shade of blue

I'm writing down my feelings on the back
of a crumpled shopping list.
Then I'm picking up my hat and walking out,
gonna try it on again.
Maybe I should've told you to kiss off
a long long (long long) time ago.
But when thinking's done I still wanna be around,
I still wanna be your friend.

All the things I'd do for you.
Even though you paint me
in the deepest shade of blue.

I'd rather roast in hell than ever hurt you
this I told you and it's true.
But I can't promise you I'll always be around,
I think we both know no one can.
Now you look at what you need and what you want
and you see if it adds up.
And if I'm standing in the backyard of your mind,
then you know that I'm your man.

All the things I'd do for you.
Even though you paint me
in the deepest shade of blue.

Words by holybear
Read 532 times
Written on 2005-09-07 at 16:21

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Good job--love is such a strong emotion

Thank you. It looks a bit better now.

Interesting work. Though I also suggest that you break up the lines a bit cause it makes reading this easier and better to follow. I also think it would give it a better flow too. Umm I'm not really sure what else to say other than nice job.

Thank you. Seeing as this is a song, the words has to fit the melody. I couldn't find enough words for the Maybe... line, so I put in 4 longs and said what the hell, I'll have the backupsingers sing a couple of them. But I'd love to find some other words. It's a bit tricky to do anything with the set-up, cuz it looks different before I save it. I'll see what I can do.
Thank you.

chasingtheday The PoetBay support member heart!
perhaps just having long long time ago.

good piece, i would though break the lines in half so it looks better in its presentation.