- dealing with complex PTSD... major depressive disorder, agoraphobia, social phobias, generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, severe sleep disorder, flashbacks all being part of it...  

It's difficult to describe

How all of this makes 

Me feel, but a bit awed

Might give the right sense.

'Cause I'd really given up hope

That I would ever improve any

Of my debilitating symptoms,

Seeing as they weren't going.

It'd been about two decades

Of many attempts to make

Things move on in my life,

But everything tried only failed.

So how I got here isn't clear,

I wouldn't say I'm completely

Healed, but I'm definitely

Functioning like never before.

Life's so incredibly different

In the last two and half years;

No comparison can be made

With what I'd always known.

To not feel that state of pain

I've known since childhood's an

Absolutely alien thing to feel,

It initially really threw me off.

It's strange that I don't feel

It anymore, it's like it never

Was there, and although it's

Great that it's finally gone,

Something of me feels like

It's missing, 'cause that's always

Been there.  Not saying that I

Want it back, just was a big part,

And now it's simply gone.

I remember all of the horrors,

But I don't feel them anymore,

Like they're someone else's story.

I wouldn't say that I'm free,

But it feels something similar.

No longer held down by fear,

I'm actually living out there.

Never thought that'd be possible.