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The Essence of Me

simplicity is beyond me
and that which stares straight into my soul
the tounge that begins to unravle
the bindings of my mind
tears the hold that taints
the fibre of my yearning
and i rejoice in those things
through my youthfull arrogance
which were my only means of sustaining

if only at the beginning
i could have known
the outcome of my mistakes,
that this game would be so vague
with its rules and winnings,
then i could have made an educated assumption
that could have lead me
to dry my eyes on her sweater
without depending on her shoulder to be there,
for all my seasons, despite the weather

what would i have given
to dance within her glory
and reach beyond this surface and its disease
what has infinitely become my demise
came from a simple seed of lies,
that grew faster than my intentions could contain
she told me that running from my truth
would be my biggest regret,
now inside this dark tormented by this quiet
i really am beyond myself
and i plead to the one from whom i am created
to have mercy on my pitiful wonder
i knew not what i was doing
id give anything to stop this bleeding
to have my hands in all of this
once again clean

one more night has passed
and i still have not made a difference
and tommorrow it remains the same
insanity is repeating an action
expecting the end result to eventually change
if this is an honest definition
i pray there is a cure for my sickness
and one day it will begin to slowy become easier
to appreciate life for what it is
one day i will be sure enough to slow down
to stop my self from running from my weakness
but until i have grown into my responsibilities
i will continue being simple
so keep to yourself your opinions of me
i am already aware of all the ways of disappointing
i stand to be

the thing you may never know is
how very much i do love you
its a shame that something so deep
has become something to move beyond
you will never know what it could be to know me as a woman
and what damage refusing me has done
i could have been your star to wish upon

the thing that will haunt you the rest of your days
is not having the faith enough in me to dream
that to you i could have provided substance
the commodity you are lacking is
the very essence of me




Poetry by Nikki
Read 842 times
Written on 2005-11-20 at 04:33

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Zoya Zaidi
Niki,Ilike the way you slowly build up your poems, talking the reader along with you: first you go through a process of self analysis(very healthy approach), thenyou go on to analyse your tormenter, lover , betrayer, what ever, & then conclude...It reads almost like a history sheet! Speaks of a very reflective mind...
Just a bit of advise (since you always insist on that) make your narrative a bit more focussed, may be tighten it up a bit?
JUST A SUGGESTION!
Nevertheless a very interesting read!!
2005-11-21


blackestdaze
ouch. this simply packed a punch. the essence of you, appears to be moments from breaking. a few of your lines really hit home... (especially the part about crying out to your creator, as i do that myself i do so as a failure, so i really "get" that feeling) and as you should already know, the best poetry lends itself to the situations of others. well done.
2005-11-20