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Unravelling The Sun

Lately I haven't been sure,
if the days are shorter,
eaten up by the heat of Summer,
or if something larger than myself,
is cheating us out of the light.
My eyes don't seem to want to close,
and I find myself awake well beyond,
the sun.

It is the darkness that finds me unsuspecting,
as I relish in all the stillness that surrounds,
awareness of the ridiculous things beside me,
slips into the calm.
If I can avoid their realism,
for even a single moment longer,
it might be enough,
and I can waste another day chasing after my sanity.

Where did the idea come from,
that love was not a conditional thing?
It certainly never had a thing to do with me,
I am still not living up to,
the expectations of my youth...
They still do not hear me,
when I tell them I am dying here,
their conditions smother me,
I fight for love the same as I am fighting,
the concept that I was born without reason.

If it were true every life has true meaning,
the substance which created mine,
sickens me,
I can not give validation to,
such a hollow source.
Thus far I have gotten by,
barely existing.
How much longer will I have to deny myself,
the selfishness of life?
If I can not count on the light of day to last,
or the night to soothe my dreaming,
then at the very least I know one thing,
I am a product not of any such thing as family,
but rather the result of manipulations,
sewing me together so loosely,
that my only sure thing,
is the peace that is surely coming,
the day they pay attention to,
my unravelling.




Poetry by Nikki
Read 812 times
Written on 2005-12-29 at 23:03

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