chasingtheday

2020-01-17
The pantoum is a rare form of poetry similar to a villanelle. It is composed of a series of quatrains; the second and fourth lines of each stanza are repeated as the first and third lines of the next. This pattern continues for any number of stanzas, until the final stanza, which usually contains the first and third lines of the first stanza as its second and fourth lines. Often, the final stanza's fourth line is the poem's first, and the third line of the poem may or may not appear as the second line of the final stanza. Ideally, the meaning of lines shifts when they are repeated although the words remain exactly the same: this can be done by shifting punctuation, punning, or simply recontextualizing.The pantoum is originally Malayan and is adopted infrequently to English.

2020-01-17
If you like my posts / comments then
please like my main page too :)

https://www.facebook.com/Ian-Sawicki-263486740386286/

:p

:)

2015-10-05
a good poem, ah the sea, and love and time, all rolling together to create sighs. :)

2005-10-24
ok, just checked dictionaries here on that fiber fibre, one only has fibre the newer one i have says usa fiber. so a 5 :) though it wont let me rate again :p

2005-10-24
it's a sad state of life that the strong take the weak and make them weaker. it is bullying, plain and simple, and in this case and many others like it, bullying for their profit.

i am sure here in the uk that there are many who suffer so too, hidden away from eyes.

fiber - fibre

2005-10-24
the want - they want
others sight - other's sight

could do with some wine right now, but i have been off the drink for a fair few months.

our past - creates us in the here and now.

2005-10-24
thats in sight - that's in sight
coldness night - that's not making sense, coldless night would or just cold night if you are meaning cold which i assume you are.

the rest of the poem is fine, it is just those points that stand out.

in this life one thing is certain, and that is death. with it, it brings loss, pain and suffering to those still alive.

2005-10-23
we all live for love, from the moment we are born to the day we die. it is an integral part of who we are as people i reckon.

I need yur hand - your

Doesn't let go
I need you hand

doesn't doesn't work here, don't let go might be better.

kinda - kind of - you don't really use any slang in the poem so this looks odd on its own.

loves disease - love's disease

beath of life - breath

2005-10-23
might be better if you did somethign with the presentation here?

Accusing divulgence held me down
whilst the blood percolated
from my eyes,
It trod on my left arm,
and annexed my skull to the kerb.

Snapping my bones
until the marrow bled
and the veins hissed out loud,
It drew its knee to my gut,
and hair-line cracked my nose.

possibly leaving out the word 'and' at the end of the two last lines of verse.

we all become violent at times in our lives, it is in our nature to do so.

2005-10-23
arr yes, i remember this one from the other site - you asked for those lyrics of that song with same title. alas i haven't heard the song yet as it is new. a very good poem here.

might be better adding here like a thief rather than just like thief.

god have died - god has died
We proclaim death of the god!!! - we proclaim the death of god would read better.

And now not needs - and not now needs

possiblly too losing the 'the god' and changing it to just god.

also maybe just using the one excamation mark rather than 3.

2005-10-23
scattering ashes, the wind blowing our remains. i think i would prefer going back into the earth, at least that way the worms get fed!

2005-10-22
tounge - tongue

love is ever present in our lives, even when we move on, we don't lose the times we had.

2005-10-22
a different piece than normally seen, on the religious theme. a good piece.

2005-10-22
devils eyes - devil's eyes
gonna - going to
dead and a live - alive

just some points.

2005-10-22
the title could do with a little tweak as could the poem - rainy streets calls, for eg, just remove the s from calls.

2005-10-22
just to let you know i exist! yet though i have commented on a couple of your poems you seem to blank me.

2005-10-21
i was thinking housecat before i clicked it, it could easily apply to those too if you hadn't specified the cat - a nice piece.

2005-10-21
love, the lighter sie shwn here, very nice.

2005-10-21
i enjoyed reading

2005-10-21
aye to memory being a fairy tale life, in some, but there is also the other side of the coin with it, it can be a nightmare to those who have suffered when young. but i am being negative ;) here you show the beauty of the good.

2005-10-21
sorry, i could get past the terrible rhyme.

2005-10-20
not a bad piece, but it could do with a bit of life throwing into it! the flow is flawed.

2005-10-19
wow, i think sofiul should leave here. he is arrogant to all. i did not notice this poem, due to my way of if no one visits my work i won't theirs, but just noticed angie's refrence to your poem in words to sofiul in zoya's poem.

he for one is someone that keeps saying in im and poem comments read my work this and that. i find his beratement of you here despicable just because you say look deeper... he offends all with his words and then cries i am misunderstood when they become angry with him!

2005-10-19
the first part here, it was a comment to sofiul not you zoya.

2005-10-19
in ref: to sofiul here, you mention silence and assume weakness etc yet i know for a fact that people here have sent you ims asking you questions to which you have never replied to, yet here you are quick to speak to someone saying no answer when you fail to answer yourself. just an observation.

to the poem now: shelley, a great poet, i have some of his work here. didn't he - prometheus have his heart eaten each day, i am rusty on such things, for angering zeus.

2005-10-19
life was given, with choice in the heart and eyes that can open to see. all people have to do now is choose and open their eyes.

2005-10-18
we can only be really ourselves in this life, though we change as the years roll by, we will find ourselves often, and lsoe ourselves too. strife, joy, even those prison bars for some yes.

lost souls fragile mind - lost soul's fragile mind
I would slay the dragon in it's lair - its lair
knew to much of suffering - too much...
attritions sword - attritions' sword
deserts waste - desert's waste
far of lands - far off lands
friendships greet - friendship's greet

2005-10-18
love, it twists us i its palm and we scream oursleves blind.

loves need - love's need
lovers cry's - lovers' cries
armours dance - armour's dance

(an easy way to remember to add the ' is think does the second word belong to the first as in love's need, the need of love)

Intentions never battles win - this seems strange when reading maybe putting in some pause -
intentions never battle and win.

loves destiny - love's destiny

2005-10-18
saucy, initial thoughts are looking down her top lol maybe it is just my sad mind :) then the other scent, she like women rather than men, that's what i gather anyway, probably a mile away from your thoughts with the poem.

2005-10-18
love, we can put the words down on paper a million times, but would they ever truly do justic the feelings we hold.

2005-10-18
what a great start! sets the mood nicely for the reader. laughing though at some of the words used like bio-electric field. escape from death, my legs are aching from running.

2005-10-18
you are dreaming, it is all a dream, wrapped in cellophane.

a nice piece, just that e on breathe really standing out.

breathe blowing... - breath blowing.

2005-10-18
long to be near...

i wouldn't mind being near the sea myself, nearest to me is a 45 minute train journey!

2005-10-17
ohhh - makes me think of the kingons, and how they look at honour as being so high in life, it is a good day to die and such. the passions of a warrior as they face life and death.

2005-10-17
It there - it there
It up - it up
i know you are emphasising the wall here, but it just looks untidy in the poem. readers will know that you mean the wall when you say it, in my opinion, by putting it as It you are insulting the reader's intelligence by assuming they would not realise it is referring to the wall.

a whisper thin - would flow better with whisper thin.


aye we do all build barriers in life, constantly we build them and knock them down to rebuild them.

2005-10-17
that wilt at... - that wilts
encourage freedom - encouraged freedom
it allows to reach anyone - it is allowed to reach...

nice poem - needs a little editing though for the flow to read ok.

2005-10-16
it might help educating us who do not know what NaCI is in the notes, not all of us took chemistry or were any good at it lol again with the elipses here, the first verse simply doesn't need them, a full stop would be much better. same in the other times you have used them.

they are used in proper context to show a continuation of a thought, ok maybe in the first one used but definately not in the other places.

maps of age... - maps of age? what is the suggestion of thought here? it is unclear, a full stop would be better. and i know you think im etc what you said to me but this in my eyes is constructive crit. trying to show you you are using things wrong.

i know not everyone cares, but it bugs me seeing so many use these as if it is a cool thing - a fad if you like. it just puts me off reading!

sorry lol as i have said to you, i am not being overly critical to appear mean to anyone, it is just my way. please do not take offense.

2005-10-16
colours - they are in a way extensions of us, how we use them anyway. we wear our favourite colours, we paint our homes so too, darker colours showing darker moods, funerals black to show grief and the like. colours - the splashes nature gives, we can be her students and create.

2005-10-16
well usually it is 5 a week if you are not a member but even if someone is a member it's a little thoughtless to post so many at once, perhaps 3 or 4 each day or something? just so others don't start thinking hey no one's looked in my poem. there's no real rule against posting loads at once, it's down to the considerations of whoever is posting :)

2005-10-16
perhaps thinking of others in the site when you are posting? by posting so many at once you are pushing others here in the site from the list.

please be considerate when posting your work for others to read?

2005-10-16
very good, an opening of the heart and soul. aye, that made me smile with it's not jesus i am ashamed of. that too with the piling on of the pounds i know all too well. just in the middle now of weight training lol 3 flippin' months of it and i am not looking like popeye yet :)

2005-10-16
i can smell it from here, damn that goat.

2005-10-16
perhaps, aye. love is a crazy mixed up potion, high one minute and low the next, tugging lives, stretching them into weird shapes.

i am not usually liking poetry that holds lots of repetition unless a form poem, as they don't usually work well, but this does.

2005-10-16
yeah, she's a right poseur, i think we should make a bonfire and tie her to a tree near it, and then prod her with twigs every 15 minutes as she softens up. we can laugh as she melts.

2005-10-16
i would like to apply for the position you seek, but alas i have no fecking feet, all i have are little blue wheels, and a bottle of rum with a broken seal.

skin tight knickers :o ohhh the circulation.

2005-10-15
well we will have those in mind until we leave this earth, the ones that touched us with their friendship.

2005-10-15
a nice message here but the poem has a fair few spelling mistakes and typing words together or apart etc. plus, and this is just a personal view, the thy etc we do not speak like that in everyday language anymore, ok in poetry it is used by the poets of old, but they spoke that way too, these days we do not. i think it would be better if you used modern language as you are a modern man.

2005-10-15
elipses not really needed.
invision envision
differance difference
why three exclamation marks?

poetry is ours yes, but when thrown ito the public arena, it becomes everyones to leave thoughts to.

2005-10-14
it's always make me.... - it always makes me

even imagine this - even to imgaine this

just those two points i noticed anna :)

aye, sometimes we speak and we regret as soon as the words have left our mouth. i hope you are forgiven quickly.

2005-10-14
there will always be other chances to create!