Individuality

2007-04-09
a good personal piece of poetry jingling here, it is nice how such little things can represent a lot in life, we live in a world where people go for large expensive symbols of their alleged success, yet a gift given in the name of love can outshine such and play music to the heart and soul.

2007-04-09
sleep, to sleep and dream of bliss
kissing lips on a Spring night,
perhaps awake though desires too
a peck on the cheek, maybe two.

a smiling piece here, a poem to lift hearts into joy's realm.

2007-04-08
A good piece though perhaps not having periods in some sections? some of the verse carries on from the previous verse, here for example:

where he died.

For our sins

and here

women who saw.

That indeed he


it would read more smoothly if you took away the periods there.

son of God.

Where he shall

here perhaps a comma rather than a period?

2007-04-07
can we throw them on some bread and make a butty, i am starving :D seriously, a good piece, a lot can be said in a short poem and the words swim through sparkles here.

2007-04-07
ah i do not have a garden so do not suffer weeds, though i would say here beauty is in the eye of the beholder, life is life :) i am starting a picket outside your garden, save the weeds :)

2007-04-06
ellipses, three dots only!
aye, we are so strict with rules at times for the individual but we live in a dream world. we are still in the throes of adolescence, struggling to get clear from our violent animal instincts, despite the illusions of civilisation surrounding us. we are after all part of the animal kingdom, i think most people tend to forget that fact. i think some will become hardened with time, and others will fold under their conscience, different strokes for all.

2007-04-06
perhaps removing the speechmarks here? they don't really fit the piece. here for example:

"Scared of devil mask"
"I glanced at mirror"

these are statements rather than speaking, also maybe saying at the mirror?

Hiding tears.... / Till.... - ellipses three dots only, there is no need for a period after ellispes for the point of ellipses are to show a continuation of thought, to add a period to them then stops that continuation.

other than those points, a good piece, masks are the norm in life i think, we all use them every day, i have explored this topic too as many have in poetry for as i say we do wear them.

2007-04-06
ah alliteration, always fun to slide along words as if on ice or roler skates, with smiles flowing along :)

2007-04-06
i have done this form, i would have thought with it saying monorhyme that the end rhymes would be single syllables, but from the examples given to this form it is not the case. that little itching thoguht to me aside with this form i do like it, it has a good flow to it and you do it justice here, as ever with the forms as you are like me a sucker for them :)

2007-04-06
just read this before i logged in as i saw you had visited one of my form poems and kindly left your thoughts.

sadly the world, though it screams and shouts for peace, loves the madness of life, our actions as a race just prove this to be the case, all the violence, the bloodshed, the destruction. a good piece here which showed to me how some in life do wish for peace though the some seem to be the minority.

2007-04-05
ah yes, many who come close to us we find are little pearls or diamonds that sparkle their beauty into our lives and bless it with their love :)

2007-04-05
a good poem.

2007-04-05
some good imagery here, drugs and despair, maybe one day all the madness will be given a hand rather than just shoved under the street's carpets. doubt it though.

2007-04-05
it's hard at times, my mum is ill also, my sister lives with her now, but before that which was only a few months back, i used to go and do her shopping for her each week. though my mum does not emss with either my mind or my sister's mind. i am not sure how i would be if that was the case. it is good though that despite the issues between you both you still have the good attitude of saying and indeed doing, looking after her in her time of need, youa re right, when you were a child she cared for you and so it should be when our parents are old and in need of care that we care for them.

scarey - scary
again and again.... - ellipses, three dots only

2007-04-05
i hear ken has been taken hostage by some group called alco holics, a note was sent to barbie saying he's tied to the bar :)

2007-04-04
a good piece, gentle and soothing words formed for the reader to sigh as a smile dances from the face.

2007-04-04
very prose-like, made me think of the vignette i think it is called. a snippet of a story :)

2007-04-04
a good piece here, lovely flow. the wanderer, that is how i feel, just moving from place to place, alone.

2007-04-04
you have definitely made this a form where even though i set the bar you have made this your own, your unique style fits this form really well i think. a great piece.

2007-04-04
a reflective time the early hours, quiet time where thoughts roam. a good piece.

2007-04-03
an interesting piece, could be looked at many ways with this snippet, a meteor hitting was what i thought of with the crash and the children see nothing as they are surrounded by the oranges. a good piece.

just one point i noticed with this line:

one , two , three , four .. - ellipses, three dots to show a continuation of thought.

2007-04-03
a good poem. if we are a thousand times happier than god then god help us!

2007-04-03
sweet love, to last a lifetime, it seems this day and age people are in and out of love like the weather changes, a lifetimes is but a moment. a good poem, nicely romantic.

Tell my now; don't make me guess. my? perhaps you mean tell me now here?

2007-04-03
it is nice to see some appreciate the poetry i create and the form which i created.

a good piece here blending dark imagery with the light well. a positive ending which smiles with i am free :)

2007-04-02
and again, forms abundant. a good piece here. good on their own but also nice when done in chains i think.

2007-04-02
another good form, this and the quatern i have not done for awhile.

aye to spring, fresh life and smiles are dancing about :)

2007-04-02
i was surprised to see you were able to post, i thoguht it was 5 per week, the new week must have taken effect.

a good form here.
i am not sure with the flow of this line - seems strange when i read it - then out from pain is heart then freed

just that one line really which made me pause when reading the poem.

2007-04-02
in the spiders web - in the spider's web, the web here is belonging to the spider so spider's web. also the title, maybe capitilising 'to remember'? other than those 2 points, a good piece.

2007-04-02
'Why can't people
supposingly to be on my side'

a little awkward here with the flow, perhaps losing the 'to be' in the second line, it would help the flow then?

i think it is in our nature to do such things as bring others down! maybe jealousy plays a part in that, we see others happy and we become jealous that we are not!

2007-04-02
we learn something new every day, now i know lemons are used in such a way. stumbled a little with - 'I will bring back her...' it flows smoother if read bring her back? also maybe adding the word 'a' in this line - 'In whirl of finding truth' so it reads - in a whirl...?

2007-04-02
ah nothing like a good emotional high, sure beats all the other highs that people chase after, natural smiles and adrenaline rushing through the body as love sips on our souls :)

2007-04-02
and the earth spinning finds us in spring where nature unfurls and yawns her beauty out for us all to bathe in and souls will dance and poets will pen their pleasure as smiles gather scents :)

2007-04-02
ah the drive in - something we have never really embraced in this country, we just have movie theatres here. mind you even if there were in this country, i do not drive a car so it would be no good for me lol

2007-04-02
a light and happy poem filled with fey smiles and and poetic heart beating verse so the magical forest can breathe in the sparkles of creation :)

2007-04-01
Reluctant - why the capital letter in the middle of a line? also in other places words capitilised inside lines. i like the painting imagery used here, perhaps because i paint too. a good poem.

2007-04-01
The changing of man, it's smoldering core - its smouldering core here as it's you are saying it is smoulder core.

my only other observation here is lack of punctuation, perhaps using commas and fullstops (periods) as you use questionmarks?

2007-03-31
is this an instrumental lol sorry couldn't resist that :P

2007-03-31
nice to see someone posting some different forms here, have some etheree but not double like you have here, nice written and presented.

2007-03-31
ah now i am thinking about drink lol - ah love, so much like sipping a heady brew :)

2007-03-31
a good poem, soft yet powerful imagery, the heart sets sail as nature moves along its course of time.

2007-03-31
a good piece here, i recently did one in this style, tricky to get right, nicely done here :)

2007-03-30
ah i know the scenario pretty well though not with that particular drug, but with many others giving the same madness to the head and the heart. a good piece here.

2007-03-30
Poetbay is a friendly site, where we are a family and we support each other, every one who enters our fold is welcomed with open arms.

this is not true! people ignore each other on a regular basis here, it is the same in most poetry sites. i have left many comments in here and people don't bother with my work in return the favour etc which i thought was the point of interactive poetry sites! to read and comment on each other's work. one person here, i will not name names, was leaving rude poetry to another poet in the site, when i left a comment saying the poem was rude i got an im calling me a fuckwit and such! that is but one example. people do not help each other at all, i have seen numerous poems with spelling mistakes, grammatical mistakes, and people just say how good the poem is rather than point out the right way to spell etc. but of course people do not like being told they can not spell and so when others do point out such things they are then made to feel ignored. you are lucky, when you psot a poem people come out of the woodwork and leave you lots of comemnts which of course makes you feel nice, but others in the site post poems and no one hardly looks at them.

2007-03-29
ah well you know my thoughts on this topic lol but as you know i ahve a couple written using the old words, done for contests of the past :) wings flap poetry from a time before, a breeze of verse flies through the door :)

2007-03-29
well different species have different nervous systems, i am not an expert but i guess worms would fee something. chickpeas, you can get dried ones from the shop. never been fishing, not something that has ever appealed to me really. it is a dog eat dog world, eat or be eaten or at least it was for us, now we have choice being at the top of the food chain and we can afford to have a conscience with what we eat or not eat. i think it is good to know some survival skills though for you never know what tomorrow will bring, there may be a time fishing will save your life :) a good piece, i enjoyed reading this.

2007-03-29
a fun poem, brought a smile to my face. i tried playing ping-pong years ago but discovered i was rubbish at it :)

2007-03-29
poetry slips in with ease as wisps of dreams fall to their knees, wet smiles applaud in passion's seas while wild fire screams ride the breeze.

2007-03-29
a naughty piece of poetry hits the edge of reality with some verse that's saucy, all hail hanky panky!

2007-03-29
i think a lot of people move into religion for the wrong reasons. it seems to me at times that many do not bother with god until they find themselves in a corner and want a way out, they swap one crutch for another crutch, albeit the religious crutch is usually far better for them than the destructive crutch that put them in the corner. of course not all are that way but in my experience many are. also what i have discovered with people who belive in god, a lot tend to say be open minded and then close their minds to any other point of view. i think it is good to have faith for that helps people but at the same time faith can be very snobbish - sorry, rambling a little here :) a good poem.

2007-03-29
ah a sweet triolet poem here, lovers enjoying their time under the night sky.